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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28148475">Always Keep Fighting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories'>AugustStories</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adam Milligan is Not Forgotten, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Eileen Leahy, BAMF Eileen Leahy, Big Brothers, Blood Magic, Blood and Injury, Cute Jack Kline, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Demons, Disregarding what happened after that, Eileen Leahy Lives, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester Fluff, F/M, Family Feels, Hell, Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Pagans, Post Castiel Returns AU, Post-Episode: s13e05 Advanced Thanatology, Post-Season/Series 12, Protective Dean Winchester, Sacrifice, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Sam Winchester is Loved, Sam Winchester is Not Okay, Team Free Will 2.0 (Supernatural)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:41:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28148475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is caving in around him and Sam Winchester is drowning, let alone by his brother and his friends, caged in grief and pain. He can't breathe until he runs away from it all, straight into the arms of a villain of the past with a grudge and a want for power.</p>
<p>He will have to find the fight within himself to keep himself standing.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Dean Winchester's day went from normal to shit when the past runs him over on a basic hunt for ghouls and he suddenly finds himself on a direct journey into Hell to save someone long thought dead. And all of that while his brother isn't answering his phone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Milligan &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Gabriel &amp; Michael (Supernatural), Gabriel &amp; Sam Winchester, Jack Kline &amp; Dean Winchester, Jack Kline &amp; Sam Winchester, Michael &amp; Dean Winchester, Michael/Adam Milligan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>#ficwip 2020 gift exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Always Keep Fighting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sultrybutdamaged/gifts">sultrybutdamaged</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>@sultrybutdamaged I hope you like this. When I initially read over your wishlist, I just got this idea and ran with it without any idea where it could actually lead to but I ended up quite happy with it. It's gotten longer than I had originally intended but that is the usual cause with anything I write.</p>
<p>Merry Christmas to you and Happy Holidays as well to everyone reading this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Always Keep Fighting</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Say my name<br/>
When you're hurting, darling<br/>
I'll take the demons away<br/>
But you know there will come a day<br/>
When I won't be there, but<br/>
I know that you'll be okay<br/>
'Cause you are my blood<br/>
You're my blood </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Westlife – "My Blood"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Part I – Despair</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the weeks following Castiel's return, Sam felt like an outsider in his own home, like he suddenly had to take second place again and truthfully it hadn't even come as a surprise at all. He had been mentally preparing himself for just this about five seconds after he had hugged Castiel in that alleyway. He had been through this whole affair once already when Dean had returned from Purgatory alone, and this time had already been so much worse because Castiel had not only supposedly died in front of Dean's eyes a second time, he had actually died.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There hadn't just been the assumption and no proof for the contrary. There had been a body and wings burned into the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had fallen into the same pattern of behavior, and yes, Sam should have known what was coming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Didn't mean it didn't sting though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Castiel was back and Sam was downgraded to second fiddle, third row seat maybe even because suddenly Dean wasn't dead set on ignoring Jack's existence any longer either. Let alone consider him too dangerous and unpredictable to remain with them for longer than necessary, and how could he?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Castiel so obviously loved Jack.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had his best friend back, Jack had his father back and Sam was left with dusty books while the new holy trinity went out on hunts together to show Jack the ropes. And to patch together what a couple of months could have ripped open in the world's most unbreakable friendship, but that was left unspoken and only ranted about in Sam's own head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Take a break, you deserve it," Dean had told him only yesterday before grabbing the keys to Baby and waltzing off with Castiel, already deep in conversation over the case again, Jack trailing behind. And Sam... Sam stood in the library and listened to their steps grow quieter and doors falling shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wasn't complaining about the time out, about the chance to take a breath and let himself catch up with everything that had happened again. A chance like that was so rare in their lives and he wanted to appreciate it, but... he would have wanted it to be his choice. Not something forced upon him by a big brother who couldn't even look at him long enough to finish a sentence before he was back orbing around Castiel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean meant well, somewhere in his brother's head where he wasn't spiralling back up out of his grief induced depression at an unhealthy speed, his brother meant well. And Sam knew perfectly well that Castiel wasn't zeroing in on Dean on purpose either, it was just second nature to him. Too many villains over the years had always monologued their way through describing how too dependent Dean and Sam were on each other, one couldn't live without the other, when in truth Dean and Castiel were so much worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam had once <em>tried</em> to live on without his brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had done the same before, <em>tried</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had never tried to go on without Castiel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had acted like it but he had never actually tried it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam wasn't blind, nor had he been oblivious to how suicidal his brother had become in the last months, leading up to that stupid stunt the day of Cas' return to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So how could be try to get in between that? How would he even want to?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Righteous Man and the Rebellish Angel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Hunter and his Guardian Angel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was jealousy and it was "stupid," Sam muttered to himself as he forcefully closed another book and dragged a hand over his face, two days after he had been left behind. Being a Winchester meant losing people you cared about, his life had been written like that, year after year, one hopeful attempt after the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was law, just like it was law that though apparently losing him wasn't out of question, Dean would at least always get his best friend back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam wished he could have ever had the same apply to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He abandoned the research for the night and instead grabbed the closest bottle of something, not even reading the label before he poured himself a glass and then walked off into his room. The bunker around him was dead silent and his steps echoed from the walls, he hated it like this, as if their home was just nailing it down how alone he was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And with the silence came the thoughts of course.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The topmost reason on why Sam avoided downtime as much as possible, why he didn't want to rest and take a breath. He didn't want silence because it made him think... about all the horrible things that had piled up again in recent months. Everything that had piled up again since probably Eileen's death, everything that had followed another broken heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another what if. Another lost dream. Another lost hope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He emptied the glass with two sips and then sat down on his bed, laid down on a second thought and stared at the ceiling, preferred it to staring at empty walls. No pictures, no tokens, Sam didn't want the memories because the good always came with the bad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen dead. All the hunters they lost to the treachery of the British Men of Letters. Apocalypse World. Lucifer. Lucifer again, always he was coming back to haunt Sam. He would never be rid of that taint. Crowley sacrificing himself for them. Losing Mum. Losing Cas. The whole unpredictability surrounding Jack. Fighting with Dean over <em>everything</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hit after hit after hit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Always the whole world against them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Until Dean laments one time that he needed a victory and just like that Cas was back in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Where was Sam's victory?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Where was the gift of hope for him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Where was the best friend for him who wasn't his brother?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did Dean get a miracle and not Sam?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once upon a time when God had still been just an idea in their lives and their utmost attention had lain on escaping two Archangels set on bullying them into saying yes to their great Apocalypse Game, Sam had been so far from jealousy over Castiel that it couldn't even have been put into words. He had been so convinced that there had been no way out for him, he had accepted his impending death if it meant Dean got to live.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Castiel had only been the assurance that his brother wouldn't get to live that life without a friend at his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All their lives, Dean had always protected him but now he had his very own guardian angel looking out for him and Sam could die.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, everything had come differently and Sam had come back to life, just never again being the man he had been growing into. No one left the Cage undamaged. Dean had been in Hell, but his soul had been saved by an angel, Sam's soul had been torn from the Cage and out of the grasp of Lucifer's darkness by Death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How was someone ever to get out of that unbroken?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then everything that followed?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything that Sam touched became tainted, everyone he cared about turned against them or died, every piece of happiness he had ever allowed himself to be fooled into having, got torn into shreds not a month later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Dean didn't understand, his brother just didn't want to understand, there were only extremes for Dean anymore. Either complete hopelessness or fierce belief in the good of everything, grounded mostly on how his friendship status with Castiel was at the moment. Sam had the last decade basically as undeniable proof.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And just once, now, just once, he wanted someone like that, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the only angel he ever got close to himself was Lucifer, was the Devil, was evil incarnate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, everything is quiet," he told Dean over the phone the next morning, pouring himself a coffee after a mostly sleepless night. Feeling like shit. Feeling spit out and left to hang. "Got a lot of reading done, books I've been meaning to get to for ages. Went to bed early, slept in. You should try it, too, sometime," he proposed with a laugh he forced over his dry lips, leaving the kitchen again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lying to his brother had never felt good, always left his throat choking on thin air, but the years had made it ridiculously easy to keep up a good strong face. Even in front of Dean, maybe even especially in front of his brother. Probably because Dean had been the best teacher for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Dean grumbled but he was fake playing that, Sam could hear the giddiness in him, the pure joy over running hunts with Cas, "I've got time to play old man yet."</p>
<p>"How is it going with you?" Sam wanted to know as he took heavy steps towards his room again, sweatpants dragging over the ground, bare feet cold on the rough floor. On some days like today, he needed to feel it though, needed to feel the freezing cold and the pain that hard edges brought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Otherwise his sleep lacking mind could too easily convince him of nothing being real again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even years and years later, a part of him was always slipping back into the Cage or into the hallucinations that the trials had caused him later on. He needed something to ground him and pain had unfortunately always been the quickest, discomfort taking a solid second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Just arrived, gonna take a look around and figure out the area soon. Don't think this is gonna be something quick, seems like run of the mill." Dean explained and Sam could hear how Cas groaned in the background before complaining over jinxing them. "Chill, dude, we're good. What are you up to today, Sammy? Don't think you have to wait around and wait until we have a question."</p>
<p>"I'll go out maybe, groceries are due again. Maybe go running if the weather agrees," Sam proposed ideas he was never going to take himself up on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He bit back the sigh as he sat down on his bed and settled the cup of coffee on the nightstand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sounds good, you gotta take care of yourself, Sammy," Dean either caught the lie or hadn't even truly listened. "We're gonna head on out now. I'll call if we need anything."</p>
<p>"Good luck," Sam wished him still and then said goodbye, ending the call and throwing his phone somewhere onto the bed. He dropped right down with it and once more stared up at the ceiling, wondering now about what to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If there was anything to do at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything coming to mind seemed like a sure way to stumble into even more bad memories.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two more hours of lying mostly motionless on his bed though brought on the kind of thoughts where Sam needed to take flight and needed to start doing something before he spiralled down a path where he wouldn't be able to return from anymore by himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He needed out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Out of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Out of the bunker.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Barely thinking straight anymore and ignoring two messages pinging up on his phone, Sam panic packed together his things and then rushed into the garage with Lucifer's laughter echoing from the walls and ringing in his ears. He still ignored his phone when it started ringing in his left pocket, all that counted was getting a car out of the garage, and then blindly ensuring that the garage was locked and the front door was as well before jumping back into the car again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He needed out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Out of Lebanon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His frantic drive out of the town that had become home was accompanied by the radio playing tunes, his phone ringing and only changing in its ringtones and Lucifer's voice taunting him inside his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam couldn't breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn't <em>breathe</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he drove.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He drove and ignored everything else until he no longer felt like he was coming apart at the seams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Badly stitched together again seams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the voices around him finally dropped off and left him with absolute silence like a blast of explosion deafening his ears, he found himself parked at the side of a forest road. Car turned off, radio turned off, his phone having no service. He found himself gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and aching fingers. He found himself gasping for air with a burning chest and tears dripping down his cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He found himself sobbing from a pain that wasn't real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not physically real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He found himself sobbing from a broken heart because his pain, his fear, his panic, all three together had brought him back to the place where Sam had forever given up on ever achieving even a spark of true happiness again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had brought him to the place in the woods where they had burned Eileen's body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Where he had burned his last hope for love.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam could see the missed calls on his phone, he could also see the last remnants of burned ground, even months later. Sam could see the dozens of messages on his phone, he could also see the setting sun color the sky in blood red and fiery orange. He could smell the forest, he could also still smell the fire burning away flesh and bone. He could feel the cold wind on his bare arms, he could also still feel the heat of flames licking up a wooden pyre.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood on the black spot that remained of a fire that had a few months ago burned away a beautiful strong woman who had become another victim to the curse that laid on Sam and Dean, the curse that only Castiel could break through. Again and again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They cared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And they lost because they cared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a moment of whiskey filled openness, Dean had only recently told him that he destroyed everything he touched. Sam doubted that his brother remembered it, Dean had been too drunk out of his mind that night a good week after they had lost Cas behind the cottage. Sam also knew that Dean had spoken about himself, blamed himself for losing Cas and Mom, but he could have just as well spoken about them both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because what had Sam ever not destroyed?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What had he ever not lost?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every woman he had ever dared to let close had paid for it, or ended up betraying him and paying for that with their lives.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Every friend he had ever had, a friend of his, not a friend of them, of his, either lost or once again turned out to be a traitor or a villain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And nevertheless, Sam kept on going, had always kept on going, found hope even in the darkest moment and believed, <em>believed,</em> that one day love could even find him. Until that day Jody called him with the news over Eileen, that one time Sam had truly believed to have a chance, that one time he had dared to take things slow, to believe that he had time, that he didn't need to rush into anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen had been one hell of a woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen had been a fucking hunter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had been a fighter, she had been a survivor. She had been strong, she had been smart and resourceful. So if not even a hunter could survive at his side, as a friend, as an ally, as maybe more, who could? How could Sam have kept hope after Eileen had been murdered to get at them? She hadn't been someone from the outside, not a girl afraid of the things that went bump in the night. She hadn't been a delicate flower who needed someone to defend her, protect her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen had had her own demons but she had been so much more put together and ready for life than Sam had been since a demon had dripped his blood into his mouth as a baby. They had understood each other so well, she had been so bright and full of light and Sam had been able to forget the darkness of the world whenever she had been around, whenever he had thought of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't know how long he stood in the middle of this forgotten forest road, sunlight vanishing behind the trees, darkness spreading over the sky until the stars were twinkling in millions. And in what felt like a million years ago, when Baby had still been their only home, Dean and him had found so much comfort in watching the stars from her hood. So often they had sat side by side in the dead of night, watching the stars, convinced that tomorrow would be another day, a new day for new hope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, Sam looked at the stars and didn't see them, saw only the endless sky, the cold nothingness that came beyond it. Saw Heaven and thought of the family, friends, allies they lost. Saw Heaven and thought of the treachery, of Michael's and Lucifer's games, of Chuck's writing fingers. Saw Heaven and was afraid of losing even more, of being pulled back into games they were powerless to stop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lucifer was locked away in the other universe, as free as Sam would ever be of him. Michael was trapped in the Cage, they were certainly free of him. Raphael was dead, they would be free of him forever. And Gabriel was dead, too, the only one Sam wouldn't have minded to return, the only agent of Heaven, true agent of Heaven who had ever looked at the Winchesters and seen Sam as well. Seen him and not just Dean. Seen him and not just Lucifer's play thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel had understood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel had cared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel had died for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Like everyone did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And once more, if not even an Archangel, the most powerful being in creation could become Sam's friend, no one could. If not even an Archangel could try at being Sam Winchester's guardian angel then he was a lost cause.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam stepped back into the car when it got too cold and too dark to even see something anymore, entirely unaware that he had been watched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unaware that while he had been locked inside his head and the demons of past and present, someone had slipped into the backseat of his car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unaware of the other presence until a hand snapped forward as he steered the car back onto the road and pressed a cloth against his mouth and nose. Sam hit the brakes and began to struggle right away but the moment he smelt the chloroform he knew it was too late to get away. The car stopped in the middle of the road and Sam's world went black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His attacker smiled beneath the black hood and then snapped them both away, leaving only a car behind with the key in the ignition, engine running, lights illuminating a dark forest. And a phone just then getting back a bar of reception, showing three more missed calls being added to the total tally of sixteen, and one more message coming in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>'Sam, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know I've been an idiot again but running away doesn't solve anything. Come home, answer your phone, just show me that you're at least not hurt. We've run into some big... surprises, and problems. Could really use your support, Sammy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Call me' </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>End of Part I</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Some of us got problems, but everybody's alright<br/>
Some of us got big plans, some are just plannin' on gettin' by<br/>
Some of us got problems, but they love us anyway<br/>
Through thick and thin, hell, we're still kin at the end of the day<br/>
<br/>
Some swing a little higher, some'll just hang low<br/>
A few of us are on fire to get out, and some just wanna stay home<br/>
But it don't matter, 'cause the roots run deep<br/>
And ain't nothing gonna shake our family tre</em>e</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Caydee Hammack – "Family Tree"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Part II - Fear</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he had just opened his fucking eyes and seen that something was wrong instead of being too damn blinded by this victory they had been given. If only he had opened his eyes and seen that something was wrong instead of just thinking that his brother was tired and needed some days to charge up his batteries again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hadn't wanted to push Sam away but his brother had been looking so incredibly tired and exhausted and Dean hadn't thought anything over given him an out. He knew that a lot had happened, too much again in too little time and now there was Mum most likely dead at the hands of Lucifer in another world, Jack was an issue in itself and Sam was still drowning in the guilt of having lost too many people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had thought that keeping him busy as he himself kept himself busy to ignore the guilt and the grief over Cas' death had been the right idea. Don't let Sammy think too much and it will work itself out. But nothing had worked itself out and then Cas had come back and Dean had thought that this miracle could pick them both back up but Sam had gotten so awfully quiet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Dean."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And now, here they were. Dean stuck in more than just one dilemma, his brother not answering his calls or even reading his messages. Jack's quick search had only proven them that Sam wasn't in the bunker but the kid didn't have the skills yet to go looking for him without a destination in mind, and Dean somehow doubted that Sam could be found at his usual hang-outs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That might have been a thought for the first three hours, where he was still halfway convinced that his brother had just forgotten his phone back home before going out. But now, two days had passed and they knew nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>About Sam's fate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other issues were just stacking up and up and Dean didn't know down from up anymore, pacing as he was in the damn motel room. Too little pace, too many people, too many questions, too little answers. It was infuriating.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Dean!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cas' yell jolted him out of his head and Dean whirled around to face his best friend who was sitting on the only chair in the damn room. Jack was perched on the bed still, switching between watching them and their surprise guests. The ones they had stumpled upon as this rather simple seeming case had turned entirely upside down and sideways and catasstrophic and Dean couldn't fucking <em><b>breathe</b></em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mindless panicking isn't getting us anywhere," Cas reasoned and Dean could never put it into words how fucking great it was to have him back. "I know it is important to find Sam and find out what happened but maybe he just needed some space. He might be fine. We know for certain though that my brother is not okay." Cas' argument was good and it sobered Dean up again instantly because he was indeed absolutely right. "We need to do something now, Dean."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I know, I know," Dean agreed with him and then roughly dragged a hand down his face before turning to the fucking angel sitting on the other bed. Unlike Jack it was with both feet on the ground though, like some proper schoolboy awaiting to be approached again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>24 hours with him back and Dean was already so pissed again that he could have run into Hell all by himself and solved their problems with his bare hands. Contrary to the dark haired vessel sitting completely still and unmoved on the edge of the bed, the young brunet man behind him was basically lounging on the crappy motel bed, hand stuck in a box of nuggets, eyes flickering around the room as if he found this whole spectacle deeply amusing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Can we count on your help then?" Dean couldn't help but snap at the too powerful being who hadn't even been meant to be walking around freely, let alone without them knowing of it for fuck's sake. "I still don't understand how any of this is possible but I am willing to let it be pushed back for a moment so we can free the idiot from Hell's clutches."</p>
<p>"Be careful of how you speak," Michael responded to him in a cold voice that was nevertheless full of fire and anger and he clearly didn't want to be here either. "Gabriel is my brother and I have no doubt that it is because of you that he is being tortured by this... cockroach of a Prince of Hell."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How could that possibly be my fault?" Dean raged and threw a look over to Cas who was too busy trying not to openly glare at Michael though. "I thought the guy was dead. We haven't heard anything from Gabriel or of him since he..." he broke off when his head reminded him of why Gabriel had supposedly died in the first place.</p>
<p>"When he sacrificed himself so you and your brother could get away from Lucifer," Michael ground out between his teeth, hands clenched into fists and Dean didn't know what to even think when Adam reached out and smoothed a hand down Michael's back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even less so did he know what to think when Michael instantly relaxed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let's keep the blaming game until after we got this all sorted out," Adam proposed and it was the joke of a lifetime that the human who was stuck in the Cage for millenia was the one most put together in this room. Regardless of the fact that he couldn't stop eating fucking chicken nuggets. Dean was glad about it behind all the shock of having Adam back among the living so suddenly after so many years of believing him long dead at the fury of two imprisoned archangels, but right now Adam's smug calm was infuriating and annoying at best.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All this stupid talking was annoying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We wouldn't be here still if we weren't willing to help," Adam continued and made a face when Michael threw him a look. Dean in turn threw another look to Cas who seemed to already been expecting it and shrugged his shoulders. "So I propose we head down to this guy's layer and smoke his ass out. Get Gabriel, go topside again and then figure out what happened to Sam."</p>
<p>"We can't just waltz into Hell, Adam," Dean began to protest but Adam narrowed his eyes at him, it was weird about him. He didn't look a single day older than when Dean had last seen him in Stull eight years ago, still a fresh faced nineteen year old boy but at the same time he was so very different. Seemed older. Seemed more mature. And cockier and snarkier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As if torture and endless suffering had given him a backbone of steel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And either his sanity hadn't suffered at all or he had become a terribly brilliant actor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We have an Archangel and a nephilim. Castiel might have lost his wings but the rest still works, right?" Adam wanted confirmed and leaned around Michael's broader frame to chance a glimpse of Castiel, who nodded. "And two Winchesters. Sounds like enough to me to waltz right in." He pointed out and Dean stared at him, gobsmacked over Adam's easy way he had proclaimed himself a Winchester. Proclaimed himself a part of all of this after everything that had happened. "What?" Adam bristled when he noticed Dean's too intense unspoken curiosity and Michael was bristling again already.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All of this was going dandy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We should really talk about stuff later," Dean agreed to the whole actions now, questions later deal and dragged a hand through his hair again, trying to get his head in the game. "Okay. Michael, can I assume you're still at full strength? The last thing we need now is for Asmodeus to get two archangels to play around with."</p>
<p>"He won't," Michael deadpanned in all angelic coldness that still sent shivers down Dean's back, "I cannot assume what Gabriel did to get caught but I will not let myself by captured by this vermin of Lucifer's creations. My strength has not suffered in my time of torment."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Even in that vessel?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael was about to open his mouth to answer that question in a scathing remark but Adam cut across him, shoving his box of nuggets to the side to slide himself into a spot right next to Heaven's Prince. "If his vessel's limitations become a problem, I'll say yes."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean needed Sam to get through this without punching someone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Fine."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sooner they had Gabriel freed, the sooner Dean could go looking for Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When it came down to actually venture down into Hell and reach the inner workings of Asmodeus' hideout, especially his prison cells, Dean chose to stick with Michael and Cas couldn't be derailed from leaving his side. Both of them didn't trust Michael, not even as far as they could throw him in theory, not yet, Dean was so more willing to blindly lay his faith in Adam than the angel who had wanted to manipulate him back in the day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael now seemed different, seemed calmer, but Dean wasn't in the mood to be taking chances, he was spun too tight with worry over Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As they had to divide to be more efficient, that issue meant the other half of their advance was going to be made up of Adam and Jack. It didn't sit right with Dean either because that felt like sending babies off to war. Jack certainly had his powers but he couldn't truly control them and avoid collateral damage yet, and Dean had the good impression that if only so much as a hair on Adam's head ended up out of place, Michael was going to go all nuke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fuck all that talk about unhealthy dependency between Sam and him, between Cas and him, this whole thing between Heaven's Prince and his long lost youngest brother couldn't even be put into words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he turned to give Adam some word of advice though, he found his brother already twirling an angel blade between his fingers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Did you think he taught me nothing? What do you reckon we've been up to for a year?" Adam snarked at him and Dean wanted Sam here so badly. "Drool over our shared trauma and pity ourselves over the family who forgot us?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ouch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And fair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I can handle myself, Dean," Adam pointed out and Dean nodded because he didn't know what to say, simply watched how Michael leaned in still to whisper something to Adam before Adam nodded at him and then walked off. Down a corridor with Jack trailing behind him like a puppy in awe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let's go then," Cas grumbled and Dean was relieved that he wasn't the only one in a bad mood now. They walked down the other corridor going off this rather tacky outlook. It frankly made Dean miss Crowley and feel that pang in his chest again when thinking of how the guy had gone, Hell hadn't looked like ripped out of a sucky horror movie. He kept on eye on their surroundings and one eye on studying Michael.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last thing he had expected when hitting this ghoul case in this sleepy town at the border between Kansas and Missouri was to stumble upon dead monsters at their first observational trip to the scene and Adam cursing over guts on his shoes while Michael the fucking Archangel snapped the house back into order. And not two hours later they had been confronted with another mind numbing revelation when it had been revealed that not only was there still a Prince of Hell left, he also had a very much alive Gabriel imprisoned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Can I ask a question about Jack?" Michael quietly broke the silence in this eeriely empty corridor that seemed endless, Dean tensed his fingers around the angel blade. It would probably do jack shit against Michael but at least he had a weapon.</p>
<p>"Why can you ask questions and I can't?" He demanded in a whispered snarl that prompted Cas to elbow him and hiss a warning "Dean" at him. Dean hadn't made up his mind yet if Cas was pissed over Michael's return having been kept secret from everyone or if he was terrified of his brother being free, having been free for so long without them knowing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How come that the Winchesters and Castiel end up raising Lucifer's son?" Michael wanted to know when Dean gave no further word of protest and Dean had to give it to him, good question, he would have loved to have an answer himself. "How come my despicable brother fathered a child in the first place? I would have deemed this something to warn Gabriel of, not Lucifer."</p>
<p>"Things happened," Cas gave a short clipped answer and Dean threw him a look, "and don't think Heaven didn't try to right the mistakes made by Lucifer. They did enough again. We took care of it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I see," Michael still didn't let any emotions show and Dean was grinding on his last nerves, "does taking care of it involve this nephilim creating a rift in time and space before he was even born?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How did you..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean couldn't finish his surprised question though because suddenly the corridor in front of them and behind them filled itself with demons and he switched over to attack.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a darkened room, no sound reaching his ears, Sam slowly blinked himself back to awareness, what little was offered to him. Even with opened eyes he couldn't spot anything around himself, he heard nothing, smelt nothing and it was letting his instincts go havoc in alarm even more than feeling that he was bound to a chair. His eyes weren't covered but the room was just entirely devoid of any light sources, not even a slip under a door allowed some light to filter in, it was just pitch black dark.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no sound, no noise, not even a distant buzzing of something, no sounds of a house settling, no wood creaking, no wind moving anything even softly. No smell of anything good or bad. It was just nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His feet were bound to the legs of a chair, tight and uncomfortable. His hands and lower arms likewise were bound too tight to the armrests. His thights to the seat. His chest to the back of the chair. The only thing he could still move was his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The chloroform was gone from his system and he was wildly awake suddenly, every sense pushed to their limits but nothing reaching them aside from feeling himself trapped. Feeling his heart pound against his chest. Feeling his blood rush through his veins. Feeling every blink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Otherwise, there was nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To Dean's unamused realization he found himself fighting alongside Michael rather easily, and maybe that was simply due to being used to fighting alongside an angel. Cas and the Prince of Heaven had a similar fighting style even if Michael's blade looked remarkably different than Cas'. The other argumentation where working together with the archangel was easy was based on him having once been fated to be the guy's sword and glorious vessel was there, too, swimming around Dean's mind as he pushed another spitting demon towards Michael's ready hand to be smited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The demons kept on coming like ants.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You downed two, two or even three more popped up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean could feel himself get a little winded, two nights without much sleep, too much worry about his brother, too much shock over Adam's return, too much anger over Michael's return, too much surprise and maybe even shock over Gabriel being alive but imprisoned. His head wasn't as much in the game as it should have been. Cas noticed and took over the brunt of the attacks coming their way, until there suddenly was a scream what felt like just around the next corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam's scream.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean's mind came to a stumbling halt and he couldn't even get his instincts to react as Michael went beserk and Cas just so managed to turn Dean's face into his shoulder before the corridor went white. The ringing he couldn't be protected from though and Dean was still dizzy from it by the time Cas let go of him again and sprinted after Michael, Dean rushed to follow them. Still, he was the last who stumbled into the... throne room...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tacky. So Tacky.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Didn't matter though when some man in a blinding white suit was holding Adam up against a pillar by the throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Drop him," Michael growled out when Dean was still taking things in, a little overwhelmed with another brother being in danger now. Assured that Michael wouldn't let Adam be injured any more, Dean let his eyes flicker around the room to find Jack. He found him at the far back where another doorway revealed their entry point, and the person being held up by Jack revealed why he hadn't been able to defend Adam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack was holding up Gabriel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Who was barely conscious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Covered in blood and rags.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I said. Drop. Him!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a growl that echoed from the walls and Dean gestured for Cas to remain at Michael's side as he edged over to Jack. Asmodeus, because this had to be him, was only focused on Michael now, an almost hungry look in his eyes but also maybe a little fear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At first Sam let himself be fooled into the assumption that the complete lack of distractions could benefit him in finding a way to break free from his restraints. It worked for what he thought to be an hour but then the strings wrapped around his fears sprang open again and Sam couldn't focus on anything else but the panic crawling into every vein.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And what else should he have staid focused on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No sound except for the ones he made himself. No smell. No taste.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nothing to see in pitch black darkness that no longer seemed natural, nothing of this seemed right or real anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something was terribly wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was quite sure he had been stripped of his weapons but he couldn't be entirely sure because he couldn't so much as move a finger anyway. He was trapped. The only thing he could do was feel how trapped he was, unable to move, unable to do anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anything but overthink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Like how easy it was to go from trapped to caged inside his head, and how much he hadn't wanted to think about that word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before things had escalated to levels Sam had ever since managed to lock away inside his memories, Lucifer had enjoyed to play with his senses in the Cage, in this horrible place where nothing seemed real and everything seemed too real at the same time. In that time it had felt like Lucifer and him were the only ones, Sam had never taken notice of Michael, let alone of Adam in any way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If Michael hadn't tried to intervene later on for some time, Sam might have just believed that Heaven's Prince had not survived the fall, or that Adam's soul had. As it stood, Michael had tried to stop Lucifer when it had really gotten worse. Tried, never really succeeded, Sam liked to believe that Michael then stopped for Adam's sake, for his own sake, to protect the one soul still whole in that dreadful place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Lucifer had kept on playing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking Sam's sight. Taking Sam's hearing. Taking his voice. Taking smell and taste. Taking feeling something away from him. Always something else, always something new to take reality away, to twist the world around them into another nightmare. Again and again and again. Until he entirely grew bored of those games and reached for new levels of tortures, the ones that caused a pain that was easier to block away later, the rest staid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So to have it now repeated, to have it all taken away so close to the return of his panic attacks and the voices haunting him in his dreams, it was too much. To have this reminder forced upon him while he already struggled with telling real from dream, Sam didn't know what to do. Pain had worked before to snap him out of these spells but Sam didn't know how long this captivity would hold, he couldn't weaken himself too much, and there was only so many times he could bite his tongue before it got really uncomfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or rendered him unable to speak coherently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, there needed to be another way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He struggled to remember how Dean had gotten him out of it any time, getting too caught up in how angry his brother was going to bed when he found out that Sam hadn't staid at the bunker. Then again, Sam didn't know how much time had passed, he couldn't tell, it could have been hours, it could have been whole days, awareness was slipping away from him. Dean probably already knew that Sam had gone out alone, was probably calling him now to talk to him or enough time had passed that his brother had already figured out that someone had taken him or at least that something had happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe it was in fact days, and Dean was already leading a search troupe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe they had found the car. Found Sam's phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe there had been a clue left behing that could lead his brother to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe there was just something that could get him out of this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was real, everything here was real, Sam had spent too much time out of the Cage to be fooled by it. He was free, he had gotten out, this wasn't another hallucination. Almost eight years hadn't been a dream, it hadn't been something to please him before the pain started up again. Lucifer would have never given him that much of a breather, Lucifer didn't have the patience for it, he would have grown bored too quickly again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, this was real, all of this was real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And real meant Sam could get out, he could free himself, he could <em>do</em> something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His head snapped back into focus and he took breaths as deep as he could within the restrictions. Think, Sam, he told himself, think. Keep holding on and think of something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keep fighting until he found an out or until Dean was breaking down those walls.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hey," Dean began in a helpless confusion over what to say as he slipped Gabriel's free arm over his own shoulders to get him more upright. Gabriel didn't seem to notice though, he was as fixed on Michael as Asmodeus was. Jack though glanced over to him. "I thought we said <em>wait</em> until we get there, too."</p>
<p>"Asmodeus was torturing him," Jack emphasized the last words and then looked over to the others as well again, Adam was still struggling for air in Asmodeus' hold and Michael was getting angrier by the second. "Adam moved first," Jack gave as an excuse as well and Dean thought, yeah, of course he did. True Winchester move. And if your protection detail was a literal nuke, a Winchester would only come up with stupider ideas still.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's okay," Dean told Adam and tried to make eye contact with Castiel, as much as he hated it, it was probably best if they let Michael take care of things here. He certainly had the motivation right now and he wouldn't let anybody hurt Adam, not too much anyway. "We should get Gabriel out of here before it gets ugly."</p>
<p>"Throne," a tortured voice just then croaked out and Dean snapped his sight down to Gabriel still staring forlornly at his older brother. "Throne," he repeated and he barely had a voice, "behind the throne. He needs it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Jack, get him out of here, protect him."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What if I lose control again?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Then you'll lose control," Dean knew they needed to talk with Jack about this but this was not the right moment. "He's no human, he can take more. Now, go." He shifted Gabriel back over to Jack again and waited just long enough to see them move out of the door before he began to walk himself. He didn't know what he was going for, what he had to be searching but the throne was easy enough to make out and Asmodeus was zeroed in only on Michael. Cas had edged around to take the other side and there was not a demon in side so Dean ducked low and made his move.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He exchanged a look with Cas and hoped he could communicate what he wanted, namely to have his back covered as he hurried the long way around them to get to the throne.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Michael," Adam's voice was croaking and Dean winced, picking up the speed as careful as he was, there were two brothers now in possible mortal perril and he was fucking done.</p>
<p>"I'm curious," Asmodeus kept on talking as if this was a tea party where old acquaintances were catching up on thousands of years not talking, "how did you get out without anyone noticing? I would have guessed this change would have rattled up Hell quite significantly."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You don't know anything about me, runt," Michael snapped and he was fucking angry, alright, Dean could tell that right away. If he didn't hurry up and find whatever Gabriel had wanted him to find, Heaven's renegade Prince was going to blow this place to kingdom come and the only other one not smoked to blitherins would be Adam. "Let go of Adam. Let go of him and I'll make it quick for you. Keep hurting him and you'll see what I'm capable of."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Creepy how much he sounded like him, Dean thought to himself as he finally reached the tacky throne and found a compartment at the back of it. He popped it open after some knife work and then stared at blue shimmering vials and a golden blade. Twisted and curled and not looking like anything he had ever seen before. He picked it up and twitched when it felt as powerful as it looked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I think I've tested your cowardy little brother enough to know my way around Heaven's fiercest weapons," Asmodeus taunted and as Dean straightened up he got to witness how Asmodeus twisted the hand that wasn't holding Adam up by his neck and his baby brother screamed. "You wanna show me what you think you are capable of, you filthy soldier? Try and do it before he is dead."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then two things happened at once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean called for Michael and threw the blade in an wide arc over to him and Adam screamed out "yes!". Then everything went white and loud and Dean threw himself to the ground as the whole room seemed to shake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam's struggle continued, his ordeal continued entirely unchanged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one came to see him, no one came to speak to him, no one came to monologue endlessly about one thing or another, usually their own egos. No one came to make threats or pose ultimatums.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just him, alone in a pitch black room of darkness, silence and senselessness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kept on waiting, kept on silencing the voices in his head, kept on staying vigilant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But as time went on, he allowed himself one luxury of distraction from his surroundings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He allowed himself to pray.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After everything that had happened, it would have probably made sense if Sam had long since stopped believing in Heaven, in forgiveness, in divine intervention, in help from above, in guardian angels. He had been betrayed so many times by agents of Heaven, used and spit out again. Looked down upon for something he had had nothing to hold against. The Boy King. The Devil's Chosen One. The one with a hunger for demon blood. The Tainted One.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Only a few angels had ever looked at Sam and actually seen him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seen the boy who had been fated for worse and worse since the cradle, who had seen a soul strong enough to even fight the Devil himself. Seen the boy who had taken on Lucifer and survived.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he prayed. Not to God who was not interested anyway. Not to Heaven who would never listen to his call anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He prayed not to get help because the ones he prayed to were long dead and gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam prayed to find the strength within himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>--</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Dear Archangel Gabriel,</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>I pray that you surround me</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>with your pure white light</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>of purification, and</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>guide me to gain clarity of my</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>divine purpose in life.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Please help illuminate my way,</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>and raise my frequency</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>so that I can easily</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>listen, connect and express</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>the God source of my soul's purpose.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Amen.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When everything stopped spinning and ringing for a second time that day, Dean dared to get up again, immediately brushing off Cas' helping hand. He was fine, nothing had gotten to him thankfully. "I'm good," he told Cas who looked unblemished himself, so Dean turned to look at the rest of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things had been blasted out of order, scorch marks were coloring the pillars darker than they already were. There was not a sign of Asmodeus anymore, only a scorchmark on the ground of the very place Dean had last seen him standing on. Next to it, Adam... well, no, Michael was just then rolling his shoulders in such a human gesture of casual victory, eyes set on the blade he was twisting around in his right hand, the left hand raised to trace along Adam's neck, no doubt healing damage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is he alright?" Dean wanted to know and stepped over a broken off piece of the throne, eyes flickering over to the motionless body of the vessel Michael had been inhabiting until just now.</p>
<p>"A little spooked," Michael explained and it was jarring how easy it was to tell the difference to Adam even if the same voice was speaking, Michael sounded so different. "But he'll be alright. We should check on Gabriel and Jack."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What about..." and Dean gestured over to the very much human body among the carnage as Michael was already turning to walk away. Fingers snapped and the boy disappeared. "Alright. Another question for later then. Noted," he muttered sarcastically and sent another look to Cas who shrugged his shoulders and then fell into step with him as they followed Michael into the corridor. "So that's it? The guy is gone for good? Because let me tell you, I've seen too many unexpected returns by now."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He is dead," Michael tonelessly answered his question and Dean glared at the back of his head, Adam's head. "I know that asking you to trust me is a lot right now, Dean, but nothing can survive this blade." Michael explained and Dean wanted to say something to not give him the last word but he saw how Cas went rigid as they kept on walking down these tackily decorated corridors.</p>
<p>"What's he talking about?" He wanted to know from his best friend who blinked for a moment before he quietly responded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's not an angel blade but it also is." Cas began and Dean rolled his eyes, oh, great, another puzzle or what, "it's an Archangel Blade. We thought them lost a long time ago after Lucifer had rebelled. Gabriel must have taken his when he left Heaven, unknown to everyone. It is the only weapon known to kill even them but only if wielded by another Archangel. But everything else dies under it even if being handled by a lesser being. There is no coming back from a death like this."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean had more questions but as they rounded the next corner, they spotted Jack crouched down next to Gabriel sitting up weakly against a wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He couldn't go on," Jack explained as they all rushed closer and then made room when Michael went to his knees in front of his brother. He raised his hands to Gabriel's face and chest and then leaned in until their foreheads touched, Dean chose to look away as it became a little too intimate.</p>
<p>"You okay, kid?" He focused on Jack who had gotten back to his feet and shuffled over to stand by Cas' side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, nothing crossed our path. Is Adam okay?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Michael took over to fight Asmodeus and to heal, he'll probably switch back into his own body the moment we're out of Hell," Cas explained and Dean was so tired, and now where the action was over, his worry over Sam doubled back powerfully. He watched how Cas set an arm around Jack's shoulders. He watched how Michael healed Gabriel, both of their eyes closed, Gabriel's hands clutching onto Michael's shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two brothers united, only Dean was missing his. And he still didn't know what could have happened to Sam. It was terrifying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>End of Part II</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When the wolves come and hunt me down<br/>
I will face them all and stand my ground<br/>
'Cause there's a fire burnin' in me<br/>
They will see my strength in this love I found<br/>
<br/>
Hold on tight a little longer<br/>
What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger<br/>
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love<br/>
You can't change without a fallout<br/>
It's gon' hurt, but don't you slow down<br/>
Get back up, 'cause it's a hard love </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>NEEDTOBREATHE – "Hard Love"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Part III – Courage</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>True to Cas' expectation, Michael appeared in his own body again the moment they arrived back in the motel room that Dean had once booked for three people of whom only one truly needed sleep. It was even more cramped now with another person added to the body count and Dean's inner emotional turmoil wasn't helping in making the situation any better. They had gotten Gabriel out of his terrible situation and though the guy looked a little worn out still and clearly wouldn't lose the haunted look in his eyes so quickly, he was at least bodily healed and every cell in Dean could now focus on going mad with worry about Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Too much time he had already spent on saving other people than his brother and it didn't feel right. He knew perfectly well that Sam might have never forgiven him if he had come to him first while knowingly letting Gabriel suffer in Hell, but Sam was his little brother and they didn't even know how much he might be suffering himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gave the angels a moment for their family reunion anyway even if his own guilt was choking him and making him feel sick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean watched how Gabriel and Cas embraced and quietly talked with another while Michael still fussed over Adam who didn't look at all like he had been hanging on death's edge just an hour ago. He watched how Jack got introduced to Gabriel who reacted more warmly than Michael had to his nephew, setting Jack immediately at ease. He watched how Michael introduced Adam to Gabriel and that was when he had to turn away and seek out the bathroom for a moment to breathe away from their eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cas though followed, must have probably seen the look in Dean's eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We'll find him."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I know," Dean reacted to Cas' words of quiet comfort but still propped himself up against the sink and let his head hang low. "I know we'll find him. Just a question of how much he'll hate me once we do. It's been almost three days since I last heard from him. And it's my fault he went out alone in the first place."</p>
<p>"Sam has gone out alone on hunts before," Cas reasoned and Dean didn't want to think about those times because all of those times Dean had been at fault too for leaving his brother alone. "He's not a child, Dean, he can take care of himself until we can help."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Guys?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean pushed himself off the sink and followed Cas back into the main room, eyes going to Gabriel who had called them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam is praying."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam is praying?" Dean repeated in mild disbelief and stared at Gabriel smiling at him, "to you?" Sam's faith had always been stronger than Dean's, shown the best in Sam keeping the God amulet long long after Dean and Cas had given up on the guy for good. Sam's faith in angels had always been stronger than Dean's own despite the fact that Sam seemed to always get played the rotten cards when it came to them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also knew that his brother had always felt guilty over Gabriel's death, or fake death as it stood now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it didn't exactly explain why Sam was praying to an angel now who he knew to be dead. Why seek help from someone who couldn't help? Why not pray to Cas or Jack?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That's the good news," Gabriel went on when Dean's eyebrows furrowed too much in confusion and he quickly looked back at their rescued Archangel. "The bad news is that I can't locate him, something is blocking him."</p>
<p>"Magic?" Adam of all people wondered out loud and Dean tried to keep his calm, tried to keep the anger at bay. Sam praying meant that he was still able to, meant he was still alive and conscious. It didn't rule out that he was in pain but he could string sentences together enough in his head for it to count as a prayer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Probably," Gabriel answered and looked to his brother, "you think we can look together if we can see past it?" Michael got to his feet where he had previously sat next to Adam and Jack on the bed at the far wall. Gabriel and Michael clasped hands and both closed their eyes, heads lowered towards each other just a fraction and Dean felt like looking in on something that was probably forbidden for mortal eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door opened after what felt like an eternity and Sam was right away assaulted with pure pain as light crashed into the room he was being held in. He had to squeezed his eyes shut and still it burned horribly. The steps moving into the room felt like thunderclaps, seeming to echo from the walls and he would have loved to press hands over his ears. The door got closed almost all the way again and the little screech it gave rocked him right down to his bones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Too many of his senses were suddenly overwhelmed with too much information and he couldn't even start to focus on only one when all of them were screaming. The light being taken away again helped at least a little and after a good two minutes, Sam was at least able to open his eyes once more, blurry as his sight remained, he was still able to make out the person standing in front of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And not just making out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could easily recognize her, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because nothing about her had changed at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Kali."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She smiled or flashed her teeth at him, Sam couldn't be sure while his vision was still adjusting passed being teared up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Indeed. I see your memory still works well then, Sam Winchester."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he was being held by Pagans. Wonderful. Explained why these restraints just seemed completely unadjustable, no wriggle room, no matter how hard he had tried again and again. Surely there was magic at work. Perfect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam fucking hated Pagans.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We're going to have a lot of fun together."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He very much doubted it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What do you want with me?" He snarled at Kali, they hadn't exactly parted on any good terms but he hadn't been under the impression to have made a freaking enemy out of her.</p>
<p>"That's for me to know and you to find out. In due time," she told him and then turned around to walk out of the room again, "enjoy the waiting time."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And the door got closed again, Sam was left in darkness and confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What could the Pagans want with him now?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>--</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Gabriel didn't succeed in reaching past magical barrier and upon some rather sharp tongue convincing on Gabriel's part, both archangels decided to take Jack up to Heaven so Gabriel could truly recharge and Michael could try his luck with Jack in locating Sam. Heaven's divine nature supposed to work like a energy boost. Dean only very reluctantly let them go because it all just felt like delaying this important rescue mission.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course he had no better idea but Heaven had never been that reliable and letting them take Jack along now as well just didn't sit too right with him. He only agreed in the end because Cas was supportive of the plan and because Gabriel promised to bring Jack back no matter what Heaven was going to say about the whole affair. And then with a flutter of wings all three of them were gone and silence fell over the room, now where only half the occupants remained behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was frustrating on a level that Dean hadn't felt in a long long time and he couldn't even hold still, pacing up and down the room while Cas did research on his phone and Adam watched them both in curiosity for a long time. Every hour they wasted now, every hour they spent not knowing on how to save Sam, it could be another hour spent in terrible pain, it could be another hour spent in god alone knew how terrible condition.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is there anyone we could call to cover more bases?" Adam broke the suffocating silence with a question when it really began to press down on all three of them. "Human, I mean," Adam added on when Dean stopped and Cas turned around to look at him."Human back up.There has gotta be other hunters in other areas you know, people who might help cover more ground. They might hear something if they know to keep their ears open for any weird whisper."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean could have hit himself for being so stupid as to not think of it. He immediately lunged for his jacket and fumbled out his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm calling Jody," he announced and then pointed at Cas, "call Claire, chances are high she's not in Sioux Falls. And then either of them can call Donna." As he scrolled down his contact list, he looked over to his youngest brother and gave a forced smile. "Thank you, Adam."</p>
<p>"Sure thing," Adam responded and pushed himself off the bed, "while you call people, I'm gonna get us some coffee and something to eat for you before you drop over."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Make it pie."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, just everything, Jody. Keep your eyes and ears open for any rumors or whispers.... Thank you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, Claire, not yet. Stay where you are, spread out like this, we can cover more ground."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Will do, Garth. Thank you for getting word out. Call me the second you find anything."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kali returned not too long after she had left again, way too little time for Sam to make sense of anything, let alone figure out how to get out of Pagan captivity. He had hated those guys the first time around and they hadn't endeared themselves to him in the meantime, certainly not now anyway. They were egoistical maniacs whose power struggles among each other had let Lucifer's and Michael's issues look like child's play.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes were once more shocked with too much bright light as Kali pushed open the door and Sam needed to squeeze them shut tightly, even if he would have appreciated the opposite. He wanted to know where he was, he wanted to know what was around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Not long now," Kali began to talk and again it felt like she was not talking to him at all and rather just in his presence. "I've always appreciated the details it takes to create rituals that really hold power. The simple ones don't twitch my interest unless they are just part of a bigger picture, just one wheel in the machine. The bigger the better. The more detailed the better. My best work has been done with the most complicated rituals I have encountered so far."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, Sam thought to himself as Kali walked around him in circles and his eyes slowly could adjust to the lit up world around him, there was the villain's monologue he had previously been lacking. He let Kali prattle on and only listened with one ear while he drank in his surroundings now. The room he was being held in was as bleak as it could be. The only furniture was the chair he was bound to, the walls were void of anything but simple dark grey wallpaper. There was no window and no air conditioning, letting him think that this room's purpose was either dungeon or storage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The light filtering in from the corridor seemed natural and not artificial, and if he disregarded for the moment that it could be a spell, Sam could conclude that it was a) daytime and b) he was at least on the ground floor of a building and not in a basement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Rituals are such a central part of pagan magic and I have almost credited myself on being the best at twisting little additions to change the outcome. Humans would no doubt call it experimenting but I prefer to call it being creative. Finding out where the limits are, not just of my skills but of magic itself. Where is the barrier that it cannot cross over."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no other noise aside from Kali's voice so no one was in the corridor at least, or holding perfectly still. Making a run for it now was aside from being impossible still not the smartest move either. If he knew that he was on the ground or first floor of this building, he could jump out of a window to get away once he had her knocked out or something. But he didn't even know where he was general location wise, if it was a small town, chances were high the second floor was the highest possible point for him to be. If it was a town or even a city, he could be who knows how high up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And escaping capture was one thing, getting away in an unknown city was a whole other problem. He didn't have his phone, he would have to rely on finding one from where he could call Dean, after finding out where he was. Praying to Cas was useless until then as well, Cas couldn't let it guide him to fly anyway and Jack hadn't learned those skills yet. Sam needed to get shit done alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Death is such a barrier, you would think anyway. Humans fear death so greatly, and I can almost understand, such fickle mortality, so easily broken. It takes next to nothing to kill a human, so frail. I would fear it, too, if I had to be scared of everything. Other beings are different there, death such a complicated thing to achieve, why fear something that was almost impossible? Why fear something you might never face? It's no wonder some monsters turn out as cocky as they are."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had some cocky words for her if only he cared enough about whatever gibberish she was going on about. Note it down, Sam, he begrudgingly told himself, next time don't mourn the villain monologue. He wondered how many more Pagans were roaming around the place. Taking on Kali by himself would already be an effort, he could still remember those Pagan gods powers and the strength. If there were more, it would be impossible all by himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"As annoyingly breakable as humans are though, I got to say, it is so easy to bring them back to life. It takes no effort at all for someone like me, almost an insult to my skills. Only that soul stuff is frustrating, sometimes you just never get them back whole. It takes so much concentration. Monsters are easier, just one thing you have to pull back from beyond. No moral compass you have to keep intact. But it's not enough, even an army of demons won't get me where I need to go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alright, now he was definitely going to listen in. Fuck exit plans for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The hell did she want?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Pagans have been practicing ritual sacrifices for a very long time and dying as a sacrifice was always seen as a nobel thing, something that was to be honored. Untouchable. A taboo to bring someone back who had died as a sacrifice but I have long since changed my view on these... rules. I'm a Godess. People over time have worshipped me for taking lives and giving lives. I rule over death and life for them but I need more. I want so much more now. Ruling over humans doesn't satisfy me anymore. I need to rule over my kind but I need a weapon to achieve that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam doubted it would be as simple as some weapon being locked away in the bunker basement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I will return something that no one has managed until now. I will show them all that my power will not be underestimated any longer. I will defy Death."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That didn't sound good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That never got them anywhere good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Dean had gone down that road, they had summoned Darkness itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The ultimate weapon for my endeavor. All I need is the right incentive," and that was the last thing Kali said before she made a wave with her hand and Sam's restraints came alive like snakes, untangling themselves from around him. He was too stunned to use this opportunity, his mind going back and forth over what she had said about sacrifices and cheating Death. And before he knew it a blindfold had been set around his face and a snap of his fingers had his ears go absolutely deafened, and then his hands got bound and he wrenched to his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You'll do just nicely, Sam Winchester," Kali's voice spoke to him in his head somehow and then pulled him along, out of the room and to the left. "You'll do just perfect."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael, Gabriel and Jack returned not too long after they had left but the only good news they brought with them was a miles better looking Gabriel who proclaimed himself juiced up again. Castiel was the only one who managed a smile at that because Dean was too frantically trying not to crack apart at the bones in panic. If not even Heaven could guide the Archangels to a sign of his brother, how were they supposed to find him with any other measures.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For once intend on not letting anyone else feel his anger and frustration most of all, Dean skipped out of the motel room, away from Jack's bright eyes and bright smiles when telling Cas about Heaven. It should have been an endearing moment and Cas deserved to be able to pay attention to Jack, all attention, and not get distracted by Dean's anger and worry for Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Outside he paced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Across the empty parking lot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Feeling like a stranger in his own skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the door opened a few minutes later and steps approached him, Dean was expecting Cas to come check up on him, to try and give comfort where none could reach him until he knew Sam safe once more. He would have also expected Gabriel to maybe have held Cas back and try his luck himself in his own ever unorthodox ways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What he didn't expect upon turning around was to see Michael having stopped at the only sole light for the whole parking lot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at each other for a very long moment in where Dean didn't know what to say, mostly because he was too deep in going insane over his missing brother to have processed the return of his youngest yet. Including the guardian angel attack dog sitting on his shoulder like good side and bad side united.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Excuse me for losing my patience a little," he snarked at Michael when the silence became too much, "we can't all keep up our pokerfaces when our brothers are in danger."</p>
<p>"Did I?" Michael surprised him with the question that came back, and it threw Dean off, just like the guy had from the first second Dean had seen him again. He was arguably still the same prick he had been the first time around but he also wasn't. Michael had changed, for the fucking better side of things, he was no Daddy's boy anymore, his loyalty clearly laid with Adam now, the rules got bend now and no longer blindly followed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Dean didn't want to think about that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because he had done the same over the years, and thinking too long over it meant realizing again that they weren't too different after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Did I keep my calm when my little brother was in danger?" Michael repeated his question and Dean held his eyes. "Adam and I were quite content in our ways. Since we regained our freedom, I hadn't spent a second thinking about Heaven or my Father, I didn't want anything to do with angels or God. And I still don't," Michael told him and he sounded so goddamn sincere that Dean begrudgingly kept on listening. "I cared about Adam, I cared about finding a life for ourselves. Together. After the world... after everyone had forgotten about us. We set out to find peace. Especially me believing that I was alone, believing that no one out there was left who would bother to give a crap about me."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gone was the ever too eloquent, too high and mighty words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sounded more like Adam now, he sounded human. He sounded like the smartass Dean knew his youngest brother to be even after so little experience with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"God had returned," Dean pointed out a little unnecessarily, if Michael had noticed the Cage having been damaged by Amara, he surely should have noticed the return of divine power as well upon his return topside. "The angels are still there."</p>
<p>"If my Father had cared, he could have found me at any time," Michael argued and well, yeah, no argument against that, Dean concluded and nodded. "He knew where I was all this time. And the same goes for the angels. They can find me at any time, if they need me. I was alone because they chose to let me be alone. And then we found out about Gabriel."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It must have been quite the reveal."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael snorted and Dean was prompted to smile despite how much he still wanted to hate the guy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That is one way of putting it. I thought Raphael and Gabriel were dead, crossed over the line where even an Archangel cannot be saved from anymore." Michael explained and Dean bit back the comment over Cas' returning from the Empty, it was not the point of this. "When news of Gabriel being alive but captured reached me, I was... I lost my composure for a long time, left Adam alone for days while scouring the Earth for more information. It didn't get me anything, and it was Adam who knocked sense back into me and showed me that together we'll be able to achieve more. I stopped running around with my head off my neck and instead calmed down and let him take charge because he was less affected, he could see things more clearly."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're saying I'm too blinded by worry."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Aren't you? Aren't you ready to just gain one hint of a location for Sam so you can storm off? Headfirst into the fire so you can save him? Aren't you unable to hold still for long because you are ready to risk your life just so your brother would be saved? Don't you think I don't know where you stand? I'm an Archangel, Dean, and yes, we have our emotions better under control than humans, but I'm a brother, too. I'm a big brother, too. If any of my brothers and sisters were to cry out for help, I would do my best to help them, save them. Gabriel couldn't even do that, just like Sam maybe can't do now, which makes the worry only so much worse." Michael was right, he was too right and Dean wanted him out of his head, even if he wasn't even in there, just speaking from experience. "Until we had a location for Gabriel, I needed to keep having faith that my brother was able to keep himself alive, keep himself holding on until I could be there. I needed to have faith in everything I had taught him because panic makes it harder to get anything done."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I pushed him away," Dean found himself admitting and he dragged a hand down his face, "I was pushing him away because I thought it was better for him. He was grieving and exhausted, he was still affected by what Lucifer had done again and I thought if I push just a little I will give him the break he needs to get better again. But all I achieved was pushing him away so he felt forced to go out alone on a case, and he got kidnapped."</p>
<p>"But you also taught him how to take care of himself, how to fight," Michael said and Dean nodded, "You and I, we both raised brothers like a Father should instead. We love them more than a brother usually does because we were always so much more. We taught our brothers everything, but most importantly we taught them how to survive."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And as much as he didn't want to Dean found himself calming down, found the voices screeching in his head to 'grab a gun and find Sam come Heaven come Hell right about now' growing silent one after the other until it switched to a background white noise. He found himself regaining a focus he had lacked so terribly since Sam hadn't answered his calls or even read his messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Michael wasn't even done yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We taught them how to keep on fighting. How to <em>always keep on fighting</em>. Sam learned from you how to not give up, so don't give up believing in him now. Have faith in your brother, Dean."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was then that the door of their room got opened once more and Adam stepped outside, stopping for a moment when he saw them before he walked on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's been so long," he mentioned when he was close enough to not have to yell, "we were a little worried that you might have killed each other." And he grinned so thick and elbowed Michael when he came to stand next to him. "Glad to see it's not the case."</p>
<p>"You're an ass," Dean commented and then sighed, "thanks, Michael. Think my head is cleared up again now." Michael nodded and then pushed himself away from the streetlight.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna go and see if two Archangels, a Seraphim and a Nephilim can come up with some way to find a missing Winchester still," Michael said his goodbyes and returned back to the others, leaving Dean to stare up at the sky and Adam to watch him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Can I ask you something?" Adam broke the silence between them only a minute or two after Michael had closed the door in the distance. Dean flapped a hand in Adam's direction but kept his eyes on the sky for a moment longer, the quiet in his head gave him opportunity to think now. "Did you ever spent a second being as worried about me as you are about Sam now?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ouch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You don't need to answer because I already know it anyway," Adam went on before Dean could have found words. "And it's not even bad because how could you? When Sam pulled Michael and hence me into the Cage with himself, you barely knew me. You had met the fake ghoul version of me, spent more time with him than me. And then you met the real me for like a day before the angels took me away. I was a stranger."</p>
<p>"Stranger or not," Dean finally found his voice when Adam paused for a breath, "you were family, too. And yes, I chose Sam when Death asked but that didn't mean I should have forgotten about you. We should have kept looking for a way to save you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam was your priority, Dean, because you're a good brother. Because you chose the little brother you had practically raised over the one who was a stranger, everyone would understand that. And I'm not angry at you... not because of that choice." Adam explained and Dean grimaced anyway because it implied some form of hatred. Something that Adam probably had a right to feel. "Sam will always come first for you, regardless of who else is in danger. I understand that now, understand that kind of bond. Michael and I spent so much time together, I'm ready and willing to burn the world to the ground to get him back. And I know that he feels the same way, mistakes included."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What does all of that mean?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It means you can make a mistake and still be a good brother." Adam clarified and Dean felt even more horrible. "Stop focusing on your guilttrip, it's not getting him back. Work <em>with us</em> to find him and then... hell, I'll hold the door in their faces so you can storm off and be a Winchester." The little joke fell a little flat but Dean appreciated it anyway. "Until then, throw your energy into finding him instead of worrying. And take it from someone who was down there, Sam survived a lot of shit. Some earthly monster isn't gonna defeat him if Lucifer couldn't."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam patted his shoulder then before he wordlessly turned around again and walked back to the motel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Big brothers taught their little ones. Big brothers protected their little ones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And sometimes big brothers needed their baby brothers to kick them in the ass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean took a deep breath still and then nodded to himself before he joined the others once more. They would find Sam and then save him. And then Dean would have the time and the chance to make it up to both his little brothers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Sam lost these new restrictions again, it was after 272 steps inside a house, three long corridors, one long staircase and a short one. Followed by 451 steps outside, along a pebbled path and then over grass and moss. Under the sun first and then into a forest because the ground staid the same but the sun vanished from time to time until it returned fully again. Now he found himself standing in a clearing, surrounded by high trees that blocked his view of what could lay behind them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The clearing was almost too perfectly round and in the middle of it all stood a stone altar, worn and half covered in moss, over six feet long and maybe two feet wide. There was only one thing this place could remind one of: this was a sacrifical place for pagan magic and terror bloomed in Sam's chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, time was clearly ticking, he needed to find a place out of this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kali had taken away the spell on his ears but Sam could only hear nature sounds, no car noises, not even in the distant, no city sounds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had to get away... or stop this, he changed the course of his thoughts as his eyes fell upon the many many ingredients placed all around the altar at the ready. His mind almost on instinct began the prayer again it knew by heart so very much, and it was only fitting that he prayed to Gabriel while trying to figure out how to get away from a Pagan Godess who had gone off her rocker. These people that Gabriel had hidden himself among under a false identity, in fear of Heaven, in fear of his family drawing him back into their destructive drama.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kept an eye on Kali moving around the altar but also tried to memorize and make out as many of her ingredients as he could, mind sharpening itself to be able to change whatever she had planned into a spell of his own doing. He had read enough books by now, he had gotten enough reading material from Rowena to try some tricks of his own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He just needed the right stuff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was far along in listing possible paths in his mind when Kali threw him offguard as she began to draw an angel sigil onto the altar in chalk. His surprised mind pushed his eyes back to the bottle of holy oil and the box of sweets next to it that had previously looked the oddest to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something awful dawned on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He recalled her many chattered words about cheating death and breaking the finality of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Has it clicked with you then?" Kali wanted to know casually without breaking her stride, she kept on drawing. Sam couldn't look away from the sweets. There was only one angel coming to his mind who had seemed attached to sugar. "Archangels aren't described as the fiercest weapon of Heaven for nothing. The power he holds, oh it will be so sweet to have all that at the tip of my fingers. And he owes me, oh how much he owes me. All that deceiving. Making us, making <em>me</em> think he was one of us for all these centuries. Letting us think he belonged when in truth he was nothing more than a dirty beast of Heaven who was pretending to be Pagan, pretending to be great. He took on a face of our own, dared to impersonate one of our own."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wasn't that more the real Loki's fault at letting him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hadn't Gabriel once mentioned there had been a deal between Loki and him?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I will bring him back. Raise him from the Dead and I will put him back together as <em>my</em> creature," Kali announced and she finished the angel sigil, Sam didn't like the sound of her words even less than the previous ones. First of all because Gabriel didn't deserve that, and secondly because an archangel was already powerful enough, an archangel enslaved to a Pagan Goddess on a power trip was a fucking nightmare. "And you will help me, Sam Winchester. You will help me bring Gabriel back. And then I will rule over my kind like I was meant to."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something was clear, Kali seemingly had no idea about the many layers of death for supernatural beings. Bringing someone back from the dead was maybe possible for a Pagan God but there was no way she could reach into the Empty. This whole thing was deemed to fail and Sam would need to save his own neck before it did and she let him pay the price for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>End of Part III</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And from now on<br/>
These eyes will not be blinded by the lights<br/>
From now on<br/>
What's waited 'til tomorrow starts tonight<br/>
It starts tonight<br/>
And let this promise in me start<br/>
Like an anthem in my heart<br/>
From now on</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>And we will come back home</em><br/>
And we will come back home<br/>
Home, again!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Hugh Jackman – "From Now On"</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">Part IV – Action</span>
  </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When his phone rang, Dean jumped for it like a caged man for the key, "Garth, did you find anything?" He asked and immediately set the call on speaker.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You're not gonna like it but I found something," Garth went straight to the point and Dean could have truly hugged him in that moment. "There have been rumors about increased Pagan activity in one town in Indiana. I didn't pay much attention to it because it sounded too random but then I looked through your old cases again for old grudges from any kind of monster and it clicked. Dean, the town's name is Muncie."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Across the room, Gabriel jumped to his feet where he had previously been teaching Jack card games.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean tried to make a connection still, wheels spinning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You might remember faster if I say Elysian Fields Hotel."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Best of luck, Dean, call me back once you've got him back safe and sound."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Thanks, Garth," Dean spoke but kept his eyes on Gabriel as he ended the call and numbly lowered his hand. "Why do I get the feeling that it isn't a coincidence that Sam gets kidnapped by Pagans while news about Gabriel's not-so-dead status were making the rounds in the underworld?"</p>
<p>"Do the unknowning ones get a heads up still?" Adam wanted to know with a look made between Dean and Gabriel, eyebrow raised, Michael and Jack looked confused as well, Cas looked pensive when Dean glanced his way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The Elysian Fields Hotel is where I dropped my cover in front of the Pagan World and let Lucifer think he actually managed to kill me." Gabriel explained and Michael's eyebrows furrowed so deep that Dean got a headache. "Whatever Pagan now has Sam, they can't have anything good in mind with him."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Then let's get him out."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam was in the middle of bargaining with himself over which path was better to take in the light of Kali's revelation about her plans. He could pretend to go along with it and deal with the outcome when her plans ultimately failed as they were wont to do. Or he could figure out how to tweak her ritual so something else happened so he could fool her into believing that she had succeeded in some way and they just needed to find a wayward angel now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kali had clearly cracked something and it was only a question of how easy he could convince her that he knew more about angels than she did, which wasn't even a fucking lie. He needed to figure out how to save his own neck in this doomed ritual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unfortunately, Kali still had something up her sleeve that he couldn't have expected in his worst nightmares.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Upon being done with her first row of preparations, she snapped up ropes again and bound one of Sam's hands to the altar. Magically. Even if he found a knife, there was no way he could get out unless he cut off his own hand, and Sam wasn't keen on going so far. He wasn't desperate enough yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In fact he was growing more pissed off by the second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why was it always a freaking Winchester who ended up in these situations?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why did the supernatural world always consider them so fucking special?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'll be right back," Kali explained and walked off into the trees and Sam glared at the back of her head as he began to pat himself down with his free hand. As expected though he came up weaponless. Everything had been taken. He closed his eyes and told himself to keep calm, he needed to get it together to keep a clear mind, there would only be a small opportunities to break free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He would need to reach for them without any ounce of hesi....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He froze as Kali walked out from behind the treeline again, holding the end of a rope and tugging a person along behind her. Dark hair. Small stature. Sweet oval face. Beautiful dark eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, no, no. Oh god, please no.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eyes locked and Sam could feel it all rolling up his chest, everything he had pushed down since coming to in that dark room. Everything he had been overwhelmed by in that forest where Kali had taken him, everything came back in so much force that he took the strength from his knees. His legs buckled beneath him and he sank to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"There we go," Kali said in all casual matter as if she hadn't just upended Sam's entire life and left him helplessly drowning in pain and grief and guilt. "Blood graced by heaven and blood returned from the dead, and true pure love. I got all my important ingredients in one pathetic little Winchester, only needed to get one other ant back from beyond the veil. Reunite while I get us ready." And with a finger snap she sent her end of the rope to attack itself to the same hook Sam was tethered to, causing her second captive to stumble over to him. Hands bound. Hair unbound. Eyes wide open. Lips closed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Looking not changed at all from the last time he had seen her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam reached out and caught her when Eileen sank to her knees in front of him and it was all instinct and he could barely feel anything beyond his heart aching in pain and too much hope to believe this was actually real. Sam Winchester didn't get wins. Sam Winchester didn't get blessed with miracles, he got tragedy, not happiness, he never got anything back. But Eileen was right there, right there in front of him, her knees touching his, his hand pulling her close, her head sinking against his shoulder, her breath falling against his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her <em>breath</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The warm skin of her arms under his fingertips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her <em>warm</em> skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam, let me look at you," Eileen pleaded and Sam helped her sit up more straight again, grimacing at her tightly bound hands and the one he had incapacitated. Signing was going to be a problem. "Sam, let me look at you, please." He looked up again then and met her eyes, could have burst into tears right there and then because she was there. She was there and he could touch her, he could see her chest rise and fall and he could hear her voice. She even still smelled the same and no hallucination had ever been this good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How is this real?" He asked and kept his words clear so she could read them right off his lips, Eileen smiled and leaned into his hand that he used to cup her face. "How are you alive?"</p>
<p>"She brought me back," Eileen explained and motioned with her head behind herself where Kali was sorting through vials. Sam added a reminder to his mental list to thank Kali before he murdered her. "I don't know how and I also don't care if she only brought me back to sacrifice us both now. What is her plan?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She wants to bring back Gabriel," Sam told her and hoped that she could read the name correctly off his lips but Eileen's eyes furrowed in confusion so he struggled himself through signing the name with his dominant hand bound in ungiving rope.</p>
<p>"Gabriel?" She nevertheless got it right then and furrowed her beautiful brows, "the angel? I thought you couldn't get angels back," she added in a whisper and Sam made a face. "Fantastic. What do we do now?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What indeed, he thought as he moved his free hand to clutch at her bound ones, trying to find the ground again in this freefall. Everything he had thought so hard for since panicking in the darkness had slipped right out of his fingers again. His head was spinning, his heart was jumping through hoops. Eileen must have sensed his overwhelmed status because she smiled and leaned closer again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Now, Sam, we figure out how to get out of this. Together."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Michael and Gabriel flew them to Muncie but Gabriel never actually showed up behind the hardware store that they had chosen as their destination. Cas and Jack were standing there all alone as Dean opened his eyes again and shrugged Michael's hand off his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm gonna look for my brother," Michael said right away and materialized an angel blade in his right hand. "You should go and look for any sign of Sam or Pagans."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then he, too, was gone again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just great.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the initial shock over Eileen's return had passed slightly, Sam slapped himself back into focus and began to dive into his mental library. Dean always complained that reading was no way to spent the little downtime they could get but Sam simply enjoyed taking in the knowledge. He liked learning things, liked the thrill when he could apply something in a case that he had read about in one book or the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After their latest stint with Rowena, Sam had even asked her later on if she could list him down some book about spells he could read to be better prepared for when they were dealing with witches again. Rowena had not only made him a list she had sent him whole boxes of books, like a witch's beginners 101. Sam had loved those books from the first second, especially because Dean made wide arcs around them and left him to read in peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There had to be something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let his eyes wander over the ingredients for Kali's ritual again, especially noted again how everything was labeled as if she wasn't sure in many places just what she was handling. Pagan magic wasn't too far away from witch magic, both called upon the power and strength of nature, used the Earth to draw from, hence why there were so many herbs and flower petals and other stuff found easily in a meadow or forest if you only looked hard enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pagan Gods were immortal, as far as human's skill at destruction were concerned, Sam could still too easily recall the bloodbath Lucifer had caused in the Elysian Fields Hotel. Archangel powers trumped human, trumped Winchester with an armory. But there had been a passage in an old book of Rowena's collection that had gotten Sam thinking already when they had faced taking on Lucifer for the uptenth time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Trapping an immortal being in a mortal body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had read but had gotten hesitant in his enthusiasm when it had turned out that it was a blood ritual and those never promised to gain you what you truly wanted. Blood magic was powerful, Sam knew that since the first time he had found out what Azazel had done to him and others as babies. Blood magic was foul and dangerous and instable, could always cause more damage than benefits.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Kali wanted their blood anyway. The dagger placed neatly next to empty vials said enough about that. This was already a blood ritual and Sam would just have to twist it around in his favor instead of hers. Now, what else did the spell call for...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She said blood graced by Heaven and blood returned from the dead," Sam recalled out loud, Kali wasn't paying them any attention. Eileen nodded, eyes set on him. He was not going to dive into the true love part of Kali's sentence just now, it wasn't something he had the mind for right now and he was definitely preferring to share his feelings with Eileen in a moment where neither of them was at risk of losing their lives again. "She thinks she can get that from us but she got the wrong brother." Eileen's mouth slipped open and Sam quickly went on. "Dean was the one favored by Heaven. Always. He was fated for Heaven's Prince. He was saved by Heaven."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You said yes to angels," Eileen argued, her mind falling into working along with his and Sam could have kissed her right then and there.</p>
<p>"Yes, but fallen ones," he corrected, heart picking up speed again because something was clicking together in his mind, there was a revelation at the tip of his tongue as the pages with the ritual from the book got clearer in front of his inner eye. "I was never Heaven's candidate. Never. I was always destined for Hell. The Boy King. Lucifer's chosen one. Death himself raised me from the Cage. My blood was never graced by Heaven."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tainted blood. The book had called for tainted blood, blood touched by Hell itself. Blood touched by evil incarnate. Betrayed flesh and blood. The book had said that the ritual needed 'blood turned from death to life to turn flesh from life to death'.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You trust me, right?" He asked Eileen who nodded without thinking about it. "I think I can get us out of here and get rid of Kali at the same time but it's risky. We need to switch up her ingredients. And I need some of your blood, we need to pretend we're going through with her plan."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Of course."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Okay, alright," he said and everything was focusing down on sharp points in his head, nothing but the plan mattered anymore right now and it was so uplifting. He thought and spoke at the same time to plot their moves now. "I'm not pure," he began and Eileen's still bound hands were on his arm immediately, wanting to give comfort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sam, that's not..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, it is the truth," Sam insisted and suddenly it didn't feel like a taint anymore, suddenly it wasn't a curse but a fucking blessing. And for the first time since he had swallowed that first taste of demon blood, Sam knew that he could use it to do good. He could use this shadow on his soul to right a wrong. He could turn something dark into something useful for the good side. "Since the last time Kali was in our life, I've said yes to Lucifer, I've said yes to another fallen angel. My blood hasn't been pure in a long long time before that even, and for the first time I can <em>use</em> that."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like mountains of relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, it was more than relief. He couldn't even truly put it into words how everything suddenly changed. How freeing it was to no longer see this blackness eating away at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen was back. For the first time someone he loved and lost had come back and it hadn't been his brother. For the first time he had gotten a win and now he could use his biggest flaw as his best advantage to get them out of this fucking nightmare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How could we use that?" Eileen wanted to know and still returned his smile and Sam wondered how bright it suddenly was because Eileen's eyes were twinkling with happy surprise as she looked at him now.</p>
<p>"Gabriel is dead," he said and meant it and it still hurt but he could honor Gabriel's sacrifice now by stopping Kali from hurting even more people. Gabriel would have never wanted to be used by anyone again, it had been the very reason why he had run from Heaven in the first place. "No spell of hers can bring him back. I know as much about angel afterlife by now but if I tweak her spell just a little, I can imprison her... in a mortal body."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It would be hit or miss. He wasn't a goddamn witch, he hoped he simply knew enough not to blow them up. Rowena's books couldn't have taught him everything he needed to know, but it was a chance, a chance to get them out of this and Sam had to try. It was better than doing nothing and suffer the consequences of Kali's fail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen looked at him and didn't even wait more than a couple of breaths before she only asked one question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"How can I help?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"This is what we need to do."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Getting Kali distracted was frighteningly easy, so easy in fact that Sam feared for a moment that she was just pretending and had long since figured out their murderous ploy. As it stood though, he needed to take that risk and used every chance given to him. Eileen distracted Kali with a tantrum that kinda scared him a little but he pushed it away in order to switch around ingredients and unpurify the holy oil.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn't much but it would do the trick, the big part was their blood anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Sam's timing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let's begin," Kali snarled out after Eileen had calmed down again, sending Sam a smug grin behind Kali's back, he bit away his answering grin. They had this. Kali clapped her hands twice and their restraints vanished. "Get over here or it will hurt." They obied because it ws exactly what they needed, Sam placed himself right next to the altar, across from Kali, and Eileen came to stand by his side. Kali grabbed the blade that still laid among the vials. "Your blood, two vials each. And no funny business, I'm watching."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, they had seen how much she had been watching.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam let Eileen go first and once he had filled his two vials, he even set the blade down again like a good little boy. Kali took the vials and set up her ritual and Sam had been thinking she clearly had no idea about half the things she was handling because she didn't realize the mix up that Sam and Eileen had been doing with some of the herbs. So much for her ritual expertise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the angel sigil began to flow in omnious red after Kali had recited a spell in some language Sam didn't know, his gut dropped a little in unease because it just didn't evoke any other feeling in him. You didn't mess with Death and got away with it, and he still believed that messing with the Empty as Jack and ultimately also Cas had done was still going to bite them in the ass one day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Alright, next step," Kali told them then with a maliciously grin but everything about her suddenly looked ridiculous. Sam had survived the Devil so many times that there was nothing frightening in her. Her best was a child playing with plastic cutlery compared to Lucifer on an off day. "True love, isn't that sweet? I didn't bring her back for you for nothing. Kiss her! And combine your blood."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, there could have been better moments for that first kiss but at least it was going to be a story to tell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They turned towards each other and Sam put a completely blind eye to Kali watching them because this was something he had dreamt about in so many nights, this was something he had been thinking about in so many sleepless nights. The kiss he had never gotten, the kiss he had never given. Lost chances that weren't lost anymore, and he would make this one count. Ritual sacrifices or not, if he had only this one chance to finally find out what it would be like he would grab it with both hands and hold on with dear life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen smiled up at him, reached out to take his bloodied hand in her own, pressing their cut open palms together and it stung but the pain vanished when he looked into her eyes. They were caught in a life threatening situation but Sam could have lost himself in her eyes forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It won't be the only one," he promised her and Eileen nodded then she leaned up as much as he bend down. He used his free hand to pull her closer still, his eyes slipped close and then they were kissing and everything else became so very insignificant. The only thing that counted was her, was this soft kiss that felt like he had finally gotten everything he had ever wanted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A lost love returned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope rekindled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Strength restored.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Get ready," Eileen whispered against his lips still as they broke apart and their hands slipped apart again but Sam felt invincible with her taste still on his lips. He could take on the whole world in that moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unbeknownst to them a pair of golden eyes was watching their every move with pride and joy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>--</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"This is ridiculous," Dean whisper hissed at Cas at the coffee bar of the diner they had found to wait in. "We set out to find people and instead we're losing more as we go on."</p>
<p>"Michael and Gabriel are still in the area, I can faintly sense them," Castiel explained but looked frustrated and unhappy about everything as well. "Though I admit, it doesn't exactly help to have Gabriel go off on his own before we made any plans. Seems like he took a page out of your book."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hilarious," Dean grunted and accepted the coffee the barista handed him with a fake smile. He turned around again and glanced over to the corner table where Adam and Jack were bonding over chicken nuggets and milkshakes. Like little children. "How do I make a plan if I have to consider that whoever has my brother might also now have two bloody archangels captured? Please don't tell me that there is a spell out there that a Pagan could trow to enslave an angel to do their bidding and hence attack us?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't know."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Perfect."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time Kali realized that she had been played and that something in her plans had been irreversibly changed, they were so far into the game that Sam was actually quite sure nothing could truly go wrong anymore as long as they kept holding their ground now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kali screamed when whatever she had been expecting didn't happen and she lunged for Eileen as Sam and Eileen had both been expecting, for her to go for the supposedly weaker link. When in truth she had grabbed herself the person who had more strength among the two of them because contrary to Sam Eileen was in top condition and still armed as they had also found out once they had had their hands unbound. Kali had simply brought Eileen back the way she had been when she had died, same clothes only cleaner now, and her weapons still where she had kept them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe the biggest mistake Kali had made in her calculations.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now she grabbed Eileen from behind and put a knive to her throat but Sam only winced slightly because Eileen's right hand was already under her jacket around her own blade.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Fix it or I will kill her!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There would come a day when villains weren't so damn predictable anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam completely ignored Kali's fury and only looked at Eileen, fixed himself upon her eyes and waited for her sign. They were going to finish this together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two breaths.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And they both acted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen nearly roared as she spun around and wrenched out her knife and Sam lunged for the altar and the bloodied blade still lying in the middle of the sigil. He drowned out the fight noises of the two women and pushed down the worry over Eileen, he knew perfectly well that she could take care of herself. She had her shit together better than Dean or him could dream about on their good days.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam hit the stone hard and grabbed the knife with his right hand, slammed his left upon the inner circle of the angel sigil and wiped away the chalk, effectively stopping the glowing. Then he cut along his inner left arm and let the blood drip out, quickly then he reached for the unholied oil and poured more upon the herbs. A prayer followed just for strength, falling from his lips as he fumbled his lighter out of his pockets and set the whole altar ablaze with one little flame.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stumbled back a step or two and began to recite the spell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His heart tense with hope that this was going to work, his arm dripping blood upon his jeans and shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>--</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The spell finished with a bang and a cloud of smoke incasing the altar and Sam, blinding him to everything but his own hands in front of his face for a good long moment. Prompting him to call out a "did it work" even if the one person who needed to hear it of course wouldn't be able to. There were still fight noises coming from behind the white wall of thick smoke that only slowly began to lift itself up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam was afraid to move and end up on Eileen's blade by accident so he staid put at the side of the altar until the smoke had risen enough that he could foggily see both women still fighting. Neither having gained the upper hand again, so Sam raised his hands and signed out 'spell done' repeatedly until Eileen caught sight of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let's see," she called out once she had and screamed as she used enough energy to get the advantage for just long enough to cut Kali. Blood began pouring out and nothing was healing and Kali was stunned, probably over the pain. Eileen didn't let herself be told twice though and even before Sam could move even a single foot, she had already twisted out of Kali's grasp and buried the angel blade hilt deep into the other woman's chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kali choked, stumbled back and then dropped to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It worked," Eileen said so matter of fact then that Sam had to laugh, eyes falling shut upon the relief and the sheer joy. Kali was dead and Eileen was there. He shook his head and grinned as he walked over to Eileen who was wiping her hands off on her pants, grimacing at the blood on her sleeve. Sam didn't care for it, not the blood, not the dirt, not the hair thrown out of her braid and all over the place. She was alive and she was here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam had gotten a fucking win.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For once he had gotten a fucking win.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He caught her eyes as he stopped right in front of her, "you were awesome," he told her and Eileen rolled her eyes in good nature but Sam reached out to cup the side of her face. "No, I couldn't have done this without you. And frankly, everything sucked without you." Barely having finished speaking he leaned down to kiss her again, and nothing about it was soft or careful now, especially not once Eileen kissed him back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A wonderful beautiful moment that was broken when Sam heard steps and someone clapping behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He whirled around and kept Eileen behind his back with one arm, freezing to the spot as his laid eyes on the person stepping out from behind the line of trees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What the fuck?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eileen pushed his arm away to walk to his side, probably having felt him speak as close as she had been but Sam couldn't focus on her while he stared at a dead angel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"That was brilliant, couldn't have done it better myself, Sammy-boy," Gabriel sing-songed and it was him, it could only be him. Big smirk and eyes full of laughter and all.</p>
<p>"You're dead." Sam commented a little helplessly because this couldn't be real, this was too much good happening to him. Too much good. Fate would never allow him this much of a victory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Never been dead," Gabriel explained with a shoulder shrug and Sam saw how Eileen was growing more confused by the second. "Haven't you learned by now never to believe the Trickster's games?"</p>
<p>"You... you faked your death?" Sam wanted to know breathlessly and Gabriel's face turned even cockier upon his face of disbelief. "Again?" Eileen began to poke his side to get an explanation or an introduction or maybe even an apology for having their moment broken like this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hard habit to shake," Gabriel grinned at him and Sam couldn't decide if he was to feel the old annoyance or dive into the happiness blooming in his gut. "Can we get out of here now before your brother has paced the town into ruins or my big brother has made me deaf by constantly prattling on about strategy in my head?" Gabriel asked and tapped the side of his head as if to get rid of an unpleasant feeling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Your big..." Sam didn't even know how to finish the thought because last time he had checked all of Gabriel's <em>big</em> brothers had been taken off the damn chessboard. He also noted the comment about Dean though, and it hit him how worried Dean must have truly been then.</p>
<p>
  <span>"You missed a couple of things, Sammy-kins." Gabriel told him without explaining anything of course, using more nicknames Sam hated but it was too good to see him back to comment anything on it. Eileen stroked over his arm and he smiled down at her. "Let me fly us out of here." Gabriel proposed and then walked close enough that he could stretch out a hand in Eileen's direction, "Gabriel, enchanted to meet you, Miss Leahy."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The hell is he on?" Eileen asked with a raised eyebrow, eyes swimming with even more confusion than Sam felt but nevertheless he kept on smiling.</p>
<p>"Nothing, that's the problem," he joked and Gabriel stuck his tongue out at him as Eileen finally let him shake her hand. "Get us out of here, Gabe."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel flew them out of Kali's hideout and onto a motel parking lot on the outskirts of this town that Sam couldn't wait to leave behind. When he spotted the motel sign he grimaced and a threw a look to Gabriel who shrugged his shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Was familiar terrain," he explained and Sam rolled his eyes, noting then that the cut on his arm had been healed, no doubt by Gabriel. And though he still felt like he could fall asleep standing up, he was no longer in danger of just toppling over. "I also thought putting us down here was better than just dropping you right into the middle of it. The rescue group is a bit bigger than what you would expect," Gabriel hinted at cryptically and Sam remembered the mention of 'big brother'.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which was making absolutely no sense because Raphael was dead and Michael was in the Cage and there was no other big brother that Gabriel would be excited to see. Sam could count.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was about to open his mouth and ask some questions, one arm still around Eileen's shoulders, when the door of a room on the bottom floor got thrown open and Dean appeared in the doorway. A sigh got followed by a "thank god" and then he came rushing over, only belatedly noticing the woman at Sam's side. Sam could see how Dean turned from bone deep relieved to confused upon laying eyes on Eileen, something he would have surely commented on if the person following out of the motel room behind Cas hadn't been Adam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"What the..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I did say big brother," Gabriel mentioned from beside him and Sam took a moment to blink at him, "cliff notes. Amara's return shattered the Cage enough that when you guys used even more magic on it to spring Lucifer by accident, it was broken open enough that Michael could break out."</p>
<p>"They've been out for two years," Sam hissed in his direction and Gabriel just gave him a smirk in return. "I get kidnapped for two days and this shit happens." Sam mumbled as Dean reached them and he only reluctantly let go of Eileen when she pulled away so Dean could hug him. Sam held onto him for a moment though because this whole thing could have ended terribly different and he felt awful now for half of the things he had been thinking about before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not all of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the petty jealousy had been stupid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm so glad you made it out," Dean whispered at his shoulder and Sam patted his back, unable though to really focus on him when Jack stepped outside with a man following him who though looking a stranger held himself in a very familiar way.</p>
<p>"Who gets to explain first," Sam wanted to know when Dean and him pulled apart again and he turned to sign to Eileen at least some kind of quick reassurance that he would explain once he had answers but already found Gabriel having moved to her side and his hands moving. One issue taken off his shoulders then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean looked around, Sam following his eyes, from Gabriel and Eileen signing, to Cas coming over to greet Sam back as well. To Jack standing rather forlorn three feet away. And then to Adam whispering into Michael's ear maybe four feet behind Jack.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Who was your villain of the week?" Dean asked him and Sam couldn't decide if behind all the relief of seeing him again, his brother looked more annoyed or amused over the whole situation. He couldn't imagine that Dean had taken Michael's return easy.</p>
<p>"Kali," he nevertheless answered and saw rather perfectly how Dean blinked at him in surprise and how Michael and Cas both sent a look over to Gabriel who shrugged his shoulders at them. "She brought Eileen back, she kidnapped me. All for a ritual to enslave Gabriel to her so she could rise to the top among the Pagans."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"She did what?" Michael called out and tried to take a step forward but Adam set a hand upon his chest, holding him back. "How can these pests deem themselves capable of messing with..." And Adam moved his hand up to silence Michael for good.</p>
<p>"She's dead now. Eileen killed her," Sam continued on and chose to focus back on his brother because out of this whole group his facial expressions were the least shocking. "Did you solve your ghoul problem?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean laughed and then patted Sam's shoulder, "oh, the ghoul problem. Good one, Sammy." And then he looked back at him again and gave his best deadpanned expression. "I haven't thought of ghouls since the second my calls weren't picked up and my messages went unread. Can you imagine what went through my head these last days? We arrive in that goddamned town," in the background someone complained but was hushed immediately again, "and stumble upon Michael and Adam. Out of the Cage for ages. Rumbling around the US on a hunt for information about, oh, Gabriel not being so dead but instead captured in Hell by a Prince of Hell. And yes, there was more of them still. Apparently we didn't get the runt of the litter when we were still joyriding along cleaning Hell of the vermin. So I strap myself into that rollercoaster while being worried sick over you having become MIA. So we went to hell and got Gabriel out and killed Asmo-whatever, and then when we're topside again, not even the freaking Archangels can figure out where my brother is!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's been an eventful couple of days," Castiel chose to add in and Sam snorted, sending the angel a smile whereas Dean whirled around and began bickering with him. It didn't feel strange anymore though now, it felt familiar and it was grounding. Especially when Eileen walked back over to him and signed a quick "this is a mess" to him. He nodded and took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"It's a mess but it's our mess."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She smiled at him in response and then inclined her head towards Adam and Michael, Sam took her hand and guided her over to them. They stood in front of each other for a moment, a really long awkward moment that wasn't broken until Adam sighed and went in for a hug. Tense and brief as it was, it still nailed it home that Sam's little brother was free, had made it out of the Cage without being broken, without being lost to the evilness of it all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could feel Dean's eyes on the back of his head as he nodded to Michael who kept his pokerface and didn't show any of what he might be thinking about. Sam knew that Dean would be mistrustful, probably had been full of doubt and awaiting Michael to strike against him the second his back had been turned. But he didn't know what Sam did, couldn't remember what Sam could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There would be time to talk about everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>--</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Sorry, but," Adam began after Dean had invited Michael and him to join them at the bunker, "that's a no for now. I'm glad you two are alright and that you found this family for yourselves. I'm in a place where I can see myself as a Winchester now but I'm not ready yet to actually become a part of this. I need more time, we need more time to enjoy our freedom." Adam looked over to where Michael and Gabriel were furiously whispering with each other, even if they both looked relaxed and happy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Okay," Dean said in a first reply to that and despite being tired as hell, Sam could still see that his brother was struggling to accept that answer. Guilt had to be tugging at Dean's core where it concerned Adam no doubt and if his brother had ever had any way to deal with guilt than it was to bury it deep under affection. Sam could also see though that Adam was clearly not ready for that, could see it in the very way the kid still held himself in this room, body language all tense and ready to take flight whenever Michael wasn't in his direct line of vision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam needed to heal still, then three of them could figure out how to be brothers for good this time around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Just keep in contact," Sam spoke up and intervened like this, stepping up next to Dean, "and know that you can come by anytime. And if you ever need help, either of you," he added despite the dirty look Dean sent his way for it but Sam was over those arguments and mistrust. Michael had clearly protected Adam all these years, certainly under his own suffering, and it had to count for something. He had looked out for their brother while they had forgotten again and again. "Reach out to us. We'll be there."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Goes both ways," Adam told them and then smiled when Michael came to stand by his side, Gabriel joining Cas, Eileen and Jack. "See yah, guys." Adam waved still and then Michael and him were gone. Leaving Sam to turn to Dean to get a moment of brotherly privacy already.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"He needs more time. When he's ready, he'll fit in."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, and he'll bring Michael along," Dean grouched but Sam knew that with time it would grow on Dean and he also knew that Gabriel had once been too right in his speech in the desolate warehouse. They had been similar to Lucifer and Michael in some way, and now where Michael stood on their side, Dean would sooner or later come to realize that Michael and him had too much in common to not get along.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean mumbled something under his breath that Sam didn't quite catch before his brother straightened his shoulders once more and laid his entire worry back on the brother he had standing beside him still. "You ready to head home? You look dead on your feet."</p>
<p>"You have no idea," Sam groaned and turned towards their friends, especially looking towards Gabriel and Jack, "can you guys get us home?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel and Jack flew them back into the map room of the bunker and Sam had surely never been so happy to see these walls again, suddenly everything looked a thousand times more beautiful and nothing was depressing about this place anymore. Their home. Eileen still held close and Gabriel's hand on his shoulder squeezing once before he made an offhand quip over bringing Baby home with a snap of his fingers. He let go of Sam when Dean threw the expectant fit over treating Baby with the utmost care, and the brief look Gabriel sent Sam's way told him by far enough over this having been fully intentional so he could have a moment alone with Eileen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean rushed off towards the garage to check on the car, dragging Cas along, Gabriel following them for the whole fun of it no doubt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You okay?" He asked Eileen, signing along and she nodded, rolling her shoulders to shake up the last tension and Sam was certainly happy to see her feel at ease in his home. Jack was hovering close by, awkwardly trying not to appear too curious, so Sam waved him over after second, lips pulling up into an amused smile. "Eileen, I'd like you to meet Jack."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Hello."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let them have a moment for a proper introduction and walked over to the library, pulling out a chair and sitting down on it with a heavy sigh, glad to be able to let his guards down entirely. He was so worn down that even a breeze could down him at the moment, the lost blood topped with the magical exertion and the dehydration. Sam was done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'I'm gonna get a shower,' Eileen signed to him and Sam nodded to her, 'I'll take some of your clothes until we find something for me." He promised her to be with her soon and then watched her walk off. Jack drew his weary attention when the kid sat down across from him, looking slightly tired as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You okay, Jack?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"A little... overwhelmed?" Jack searched for the right word and he looked at Sam with those wide helpless eyes of his. "A lot happened in so little time. We stumbled upon Adam and..." here Jack stocked and Sam wished he had any energy left to go digging into this issue right away. "And Michael. And then the reveal about Gabriel almost at the same time as us realizing you had vanished. It was scary."</p>
<p>"Sorry, bud," Sam said quietly and with a tired smile, Jack looked at him, "I can only imagine how it must have felt to appear here and not find me anywhere."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"In the big picture, Michael was scarier," Jack admitted even quieter and Sam swore to himself to approach Jack over this right in the morning once he had some sleep. Or maybe he would get luckier still and throughout the night Gabriel would already get to the bottom of this fear by chance alone. Right now, as steps could be heard from the corridor already again, Sam just reached out and squeezed Jack's hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We'll talk tomorrow, Jack, I promise, but know this already. I don't think there is any reason to beafraid. Like Adam, Michael will need time to figure things out still, too. He'll sure want to get to know you once they had more time to see the world and enjoy their freedom. Gabe and him, they're your uncles in a way." The hope in Jack's eyes that was then suddenly blooming made Sam desperately hope that the comforting words he had reached for wouldn't turn out a lie. They could teach Jack all about humanity, about morals and what not to do, and where Cas could no doubt teach Jack about his angelic side, it was maybe not so bad to have archangels around again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack was powerful, more powerful than Cas had been even in his high days, Gabriel and Michael would be far better equipped to teach Jack on how to control his Grace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Thank you, Sam," Jack said just as Dean rounded back into the library, "I'm gonna see if I can get some sleep." Sam nodded at him and Dean squeezed Jack's shoulder as he passed by him on his way out of the room.</p>
<p>"Kid alright?" Dean asked as he dropped into Jack's abandoned chair, looking more awake than Sam felt by a lot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah," Sam told him and hid a yawn behind a quickly raised hand, "where is the rest?" He wanted to know and looked back at his brother, knew that Dean's analyzing look on him tried to find every piece chipped off of him in the last days. Every bruise, every cut. Sam was too tired to put up walls and let his brother see how terrible he felt.</p>
<p>"Cas wants a moment to think and Gabriel walked off to explore the bunker," Dean explained and then Sam could see the question rolling up in him, knew which words would follow. "Won't you let Cas heal you?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm fine, Dean," Sam argued and it was the truth, after one night of sleep he would be good again, better even, certainly better than before. "Gabriel healed the worst already on the flight to you guys. Everything else sleep can heal better probably than a shot of Grace can. I'm in no danger of bleeding out anytime soon. Kali needed Eileen and me alive for her ritual, she wasn't going to do anything to us."</p>
<p>"Until she needed your blood," Dean deadpanned and Sam wasn't sure what to hold against it. "Listen man, let's just put the actual details behind us. I'm glad Eileen and you got yourselves out of that situation with little of Gabe's help. Can we talk now on how it could actually get that far?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Dean..."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No, I get that you are tired and I want nothing more than to wave you off to your girl and your bed but you need to answer me how it could get so far," Dean insisted on it. Sam sighed and dragged a hand down his face. "Why could Kali grab you in the middle of nowhere? And why didn't you tell me that you had gone out on your own for a case?"</p>
<p>"There was no case," he surprised his brother and Dean stared at him, "I wasn't driving to a case. I just needed to get out of this place and I needed... I needed to be able to breathe. Ever since Cas had come back...Dean, did you even realize that you were pushing me away? And even before, you were spiralling out of control and you didn't even let me close enough to intervene. I was terrified that I was going to lose you, and then Cas comes back and you snap back to being all positive. I was getting dizzy."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I needed a win."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"And did that win have to mean I'd be left behind? Did you ever think in the last months how I was truly doing? I lost Cas, too. And Crowley. Mum trapped in another world with Lucifer. Don't you think I didn't have nightmares over what it means? Don't you think I don't know how much she might be suffering right now? I know what Lucifer is capable of." Sam stopped abruptly and felt shivers run down his back, he was too exhausted to have this conversation but he had needed to say something. Dean kept on looking at him, ashamed now. How many times had they simply pushed under the carpet what Sam had suffered under at the hands of Lucifer? How many times had they chosen to not talk about it because Sam had no idea how to get through it? "Here, I'll say it. I wish Mum was dead the moment the portal closed because I don't want to think about the alternative. I don't want to think about what he could do to her. Because I experienced it all."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"We never talked about the Cage," Dean mentioned quietly and Sam shrugged his shoulders, years had passed, so many years had passed since that ordeal but every day still felt too early to go over it. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I..."</p>
<p>"It's not your fault," Sam intervened before Dean could stutter himself through an explanation, "we never talked about it because I'm not ready. You never pushed me, and I'm grateful for it. Maybe now with Adam back, I'll get to a place where I can talk about it. Maybe not with you at first but with him," if his brother took it hard, he didn't let it show that Sam was preferring someone else to have this conversation first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam had been there, he might have not had the same experiences – thank God to be honest – but he had been there. He could understand the hopelessness of that place better than Dean. Hell had been rough on his brother, of course Sam knew that, but Hell had been nothing like the Cage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"And maybe one day, we'll talk about it. The three of us, get all cards on the table and then maybe finally find a way to truly start healing," he said it with the smidgen of hope that these recent miracles had given him. He felt stronger, he felt better. He knew the demons were still there inside of him but the cuts in the wall around them had been patched together again, with stronger glue this time. And he also knew that if he got overwhelmed, he still had the strength to get through it, had the courage to fight his way out of that dark hole.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Until then," Dean pulled him back into the conversation and ducked his head low to catch Sam's eyes again, "until then promise me that you won't let yourself be pushed away again. Tell me when I'm trying too much to protect you again. Kick me in the ass when I am making mistakes without realizing it again. You're my little brother, Sam, and I want to protect you but I also know that you are more than capable of holding your own."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"The same goes for you, you know," Sam told him right back and Dean gave him a small smile, "don't pull away from me when things get tough. Talk to me. Don't treat me like a kid because I haven't been one in a very long time."</p>
<p>"I know that," Dean answered and pushed a hand through his hair, Sam knew he had worried his brother, probably scared him a lot after he couldn't have been found but he had been abandoned first. "I'm not gonna leave you behind again."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Or at least talk to me first," Sam insisted, "I don't mind you going on cases with Cas, hell I understand you wanted to enjoy that he is back. But I felt like a discarded toy. We've got more people back now and we need to talk before lines get drawn or something. After I got some sleep," Sam decided when another yawn made his jaw crack. "Any heavy stuff will have to wait until tomorrow. Can you tell me now how a simple ghoul case turned into Adam, Michael and Gabriel and a showdown against a Prince of Hell?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dean laughed and pushed himself up from his chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let me get us some beers and then I'll tell you how that disaster unfolded."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>--</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Exhausted on a level that he hadn't felt in a long time, Sam retreated to his room not soon after, grateful beyond imagination when no one wanted to talk to him anymore and he could find Eileen waiting for him on his bed. Freshly showered, hair still wet, wearing one of his sleep shirts and a pair of socks of his that went up to her knees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In other words, she looked absolutely mesmerizingly beautiful and on any other occasion, Sam would have loved nothing more than to taste every inch of her skin but tonight, all he wanted was to hold her and sleep. Rejoice in having her truly back by not letting go of her. She smiled when he closed the door behind himself and kicked off his shoes, wordlessly she begged him over and Sam sat down on the edge of the bed next to where Eileen was kneeling. She reached out for him and stroked soft warm finger over his face, traced his tired eyes and tapped his still dry lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She moved to be kneeling even closer to him and then her hands began to take off his jacket, Sam helped her where he needed but it felt too good to fall into the comfort just then. No talking, all of that could come later when he wasn't feeling like falling asleep standing up anymore. His jacket dropped to the ground and Eileen started on the buttons of his shirt, Sam watched her, drank in her presence, drank in that all of this was real.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wouldn't wake up anytime soon and lose her again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once his shirt had greeted the floor as well, Sam took up some strength and lifted his arms up so Eileen could pull off the last layer. When she reached for his belt, he stopped her briefly and lifted one of her hands up to his lips, leaving breathy kisses over her knuckles that had her smile turn softer still.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Let me get you comfortable,' Eileen signed once he had given her hand back and Sam nodded, scooting back on the bed so Eileen had an easier hand in taking his pants off. The socks still followed because Sam had been wearing them for days now and just no, he wasn't even convinced yet that he might not just burn this entire set of clothes to get rid of the memories attached to them now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Under the covers?'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded to Eileen's questions and they worked around another to get under the covers, Dean had in all foresight added some woolen blankets to Sam's bed, knowing that Sam couldn't stand to be cold after such experiences. They laid down, Sam on his back with Eileen curled up against his side, one of her legs thrown over one of his, his arm around her shoulders, blankets pulled up to their chins.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam used his free hand to switch off the lights and then let out a deep breath, following up with a soft sigh, his entire body melting into the mattress and against the touch of the woman next to him, nosing against his chest. As Eileen drifted off then, Sam laid half awake a little longer still, listening to every single one of her breaths, fingers tracing over the skin of her arm. Soaking in her warmth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When it knocked on his door not a minute later, he called out a yes, reassured that he wouldn't wake Eileen, and when Gabriel appeared in the doorway he didn't switch on a light, the dimmed light in the corridor enough to illuminate his face to Sam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't even want to bother you for long," Gabriel began quietly and Sam smiled at him, so overwhelmingly happy still with having him back, too, happy with discovering how a friendship could develop there. "We'll talk tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, that'd be great." Sam told him and turned his face against Eileen's head, breathing in the smell of her hair, "and Gabe? I'm really happy you didn't die and that the others got you out of there."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Any more information could follow tomorrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Yeah, me, too," Gabriel revealed and there was nothing but relief in his eyes. "And thank you for standing up for me when I couldn't, Sam. Didn't always have that. Someone who had my back." And didn't Sam know what that felt like still, even if it laid back so many years now, a life where Dean had stood on a different side still in this brotherhood. But it was exactly that feeling that had once connected him to Gabriel already, that thought over shared experiences, regardless of how different the actual events had been.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gabriel knew how it felt to be the odd one out in a family too messed up to fit together half the time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Anytime."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Goodnight, Sam."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Goodnight, Gabe."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>The End.</b>
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